this chapter of your life is best kept to yourself. Trust me, she doesn't want to hear form you.

Write her an email or a letter. You don't need to phone her; the phone is for people you want back in your life. Just write her a letter.

I've gotten such a letter before, from a guy who was treated pretty shittily by most people other than me during high school. We were never boyfriend/girlfriend, just friends, but I flirted with him and generally encouraged him to believe he was worthy of love. And ten years down the road, out of the blue, a letter from of all places Switzerland, where he now lives with his wife, talking about how I transformed his life. It's a nice thing to know, that he feels that way about me. I wrote back to thank him and congratulate him, and that was it.

You seem afraid that you will enter Carla's life at a time when she's needy and she will make a play for you. That's possible, but if you want to make it less likely, be sure to include plenty of talk about your happy marriage and your children in your letter. And, like I said, don't phone her. Phone conversations are far less controllable.

There's another potential issue here. Are you sure of your own motivations? Are you nervous about contacting her because you're not really as happy as you wish you were and hoping to rekindle the relationship? If the answer to that is "Don't be silly," then go right ahead and write her. If it's, "I'm not sure," then don't.

Tell her how great she was, Any human would love to hear that. You owe her that, but try to leave it at that.

You blew it back in the old days. You should have taken her up on her offers, but that was way back when. Now, you have built your life as a weak person, and you probably are better off without a strong boss, i.e. this woman.

She will love hearing from you, but leave it at that. You resisted falling under her spell before, and you have built a different kind of life. Do not try to go back.

You've mis-identified your angel. You are married to her.

Don't compund it by getting entangled with this ghost from your past. This is a big, hot oven, and you'll only get burned.

Focus on your family, and your life, and how much you've created. Look forward, not back!!

potentially damaging your standing in your marriage, then by all means, get in touch with your old pal.

I know how I would feel if my husband were spending this much time thinking about what should be water under the bridge, and wanted to get in touch with an old, would have, could have been flame.

What would you think if your wife were putting this much energy into thinking about a past relationship. You would (correctly I might add) surmise that her heart and her head were not really into the marriage the two of you share.

Frankly, I find your little mind games exhausting. I think you are looking for a justification to get in touch with someone you know you shouldn't be getting in touch with at this point. It would behoove you to put as much energy in to the marriage you have rather than fantasizing about a relationship you don't have.

I'm not sure what good it would do LW to contact the ex-that-never-was. First thought is to leave well enough alone. If they became close friends that'd be rekindling something that he probably has no room in his life for. It's a soap opera waiting to happen. Unless she's a time-zone or more away, leave it alone, otherwise be facebook friends.

You don't have to send it. Just writing it might be satisfying and cathartic for you.

Having helped a friend through a divorce she didn't want and was finally past after they, she actually, found a buyer for their home which spend 2 years on the market, I'm aware of the impact of reconnecting with someone from your past. It opened it all up for her again when she learned he had left her for his high school girlfriend whom he'd met at a reunion when they were in their mid-40s.

If you're going to leave your spouse for somebody, please make it somebody you met recently. To reconnect with a past love makes it seem you view the marriage as a mistake. When you've got 20 plus years invested in it, that's difficult to accept.

LW claims contentment in his current union, yet he took the initiative to seek out someone from his past knowing it would cause friction in his marriage if his wife were to find out. Does she know of this woman and her role in his sexual awakening? Can it really become a later in life platonic friendship?

he hasn't actually contacted her but life seems to have stopped for him as he weighs the "do I or don't" question.

But you can't know how the other woman will react. She wanted him but he passed on a commitment to her. Even with the passage of time, she may not welcome him back into her life as "a friend." It might open up old wounds for her that his life seems to have worked out better than her's.

In sum, LW may become an unwelcome intrusion into the life of a woman he simply wants to express gratitude toward. Such is often the case when the feelings of the two parties are different.

Let's be real here. You are looking for permission to have an affair, either emotional or physical. But you will get no permission from me. And I truly believe that if your wife knew you referred to this woman as your "angel" she wouldn't be so forthcoming with her permission either. Stop romanticizing the past. Focus on the wonders of your present and future with your wife and your children. Because you and I both know that if you pursue this, this seemingly innocent dalliance will quickly turn into something nefarious.