Just because a bunch of other people can't handle it, that doesn't mean you can't. They may have found the answer for them, but it's not necesarily your answer. Enjoy what you enjoy.

Also see the article "Exposing the Myth of Alcoholics Anonymous" in the current issue of Free Inquiry magazine.

I know a lot about AA. I'm a substance abuse counselor, and I kicked the habit (without AA) some years ago. Check out www.orange-papers.org, and perhaps read Stanton Peele's _The Truth About Addiction and Recovery_. I'm always stunned by how defensive people are about the organization.

when she was your age. She's alive now, almost ninety. But no one can stand her. Being an alcoholic amounts to having a certain type of personality--narcissistic. AA will help you understand how you seem to others and change. You should go to a few meetings even if you don't want to stop drinking. My mother never understood a thing about herself, and now she wonders why her children avoid her.

....she's not as hangover-prone as most of us. She says it makes her a little "tired." If I were to drink a whole bottle of wine and then go to bed, I'd be head-throbbingly puking and mewling for the next few days. This is a powerful deterrent.

H = Hungry

A = Angry

L = Lonely

T = Tired

Her problem isn't her drinking. Her problem is that she seems desperate for attention. Just sayin'.

The book "Acholics Anonymous" says words to the effect of "we used to think that every alcoholic had to hit rock bottom, but we have found a way to recovery that can preclude that necessity."

AA'ers tend to warp that to a tale about every one having "their own individual bottom" but that is pure sophistry. The point is that you get sober whenever you decide you are sick of drinking and want to quit. And you use whatever method works for you.

I may be totally off the mark here, but the way you described cleaning your house while drinking made me wonder if you are confusing cause and effect. Perhaps you are in a manic phase and start drinking to control the symptoms. While you are in the manic phase, you are able to get a lot done. If this is the case, there are way better treatments for it than wine, and I think it would help you a lot.

Nowhere, absolutely nowhere in AA literature is there a reference to the belief that alcoholics have to "hit rock bottom." THAT'S the myth: that the program of Alcoholics Anonymous supports ideas like that.

It's too long to quote all of it here, but The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p.23, in re: The First Step, says,"It was obviously necessary to RAISE THE BOTTOM the rest of us had hit to the point where it would hit them." (Capital letters my own.) Then it goes on to explain how that's done.

This is the exact opposite of what you call "the myth of AA."

What YOU'RE referring to is "the myth of people who assume they know what AA is ALL about without actually ever having taken the twelve steps themselves."

I'm quite familiar with that myth.

I just realized that you're the same individual that I cared about with 3 of my total of 6 posts on Salon.

Cary.....for everyone's sake, including your own, just get over yourself. You may find some purpose when you begin giving others in your life some loving attention rather than seeking it through the pity you seem to seek herein.

Even fakirs are relative.

No, of course not. All you need do is get off your pity pot. And, flush it.....it's full.

I've been in AA rooms since 1978 and I have never heard anyone ADVOCATE seeking rock bottom. How could one even define it conclusively? I'm sure yours would be different than mine.

What I have heard, over and over, is this adage, appropriate to any vice: you don't have to climb to the bottom of the ladder to start up to the top again.

A wise friend told me, years ago, that there were 4 (or maybe 5, I can't remember) reasons women drink.

1. you're hungry

2. you're tired

3. you're lonely

4. you're bored

There are better ways to deal with each of these problems than drinking alcohol.

Alcohol was the easiest solution for me. It was not the most rewarding.

It took years for me to figure that out.

For long time I have noticed and wondered about something. The LW noted that she stopped drinking when she was pregnant. Many people I know who drink in an alcoholic way were able to stop, too - through multiple pregnancies. They drank heavily both before and after, but not during.

Is this as simple as they love their children, but not themselves?

What gives here? And why can they stop for unborn children and not born children?

I hear, too often, that alcoholism is a disease, and that the alcoholic is not responsible for it.

If one has a disease, and refuses treatment for it, then one chooses the consequences of no treatment. A diabetic who does not watch sugar intake and will not take insulin will die. A cancer victim who refuses chemo and radiation will, inevitably suffer and die. Alcoholism is a bit different as, ofttimes, the person with the disease may take others down as well. In 2007, nearly 13,000 people died in drunk driving accidents in the US, and this is an improvement over previous years. Of course, not all those drunks were alcoholics, but do the families of the dead want to parse it out?

Alcoholism as a disease is treatable, and those who consciously refuse treatment are as responsible for the inevitable consequences as those with other diseases who refuse treatment. As with other diseases, the treatment may not cure you permanently and the treatment may be lifelong. The disease may still get you in the end. So be it. If you have a disease, treat it.

Does it matter whether LW is an "alcoholic" or not? She plainly feels she is going through something abnormal. It worries me that she is sneaking it, she thinks. I wonder whether she talks to anyone about it. I'd bet her husband knows she is drinking, as do her kids. I'd give odds that they tiptoe around her morning hangovers, and maybe around her passed-out self in the middle of the night. I'd bet she stinks of alcohol in the morning.

LW, if you are thinking it's a problem, it may well be. Talk to your husband, your friends, a therapist. Be open about what you do. Ask your kids (carefully, please). See what they think. Rock bottom for you might be knowing that your kids know you drink every night and sometimes come out to cover you with a blanket. Maybe they cry. It might be finding out that your husband is left feeling very sad and lonely. You may not have to lose everything -- husband, kids, home, job, self-respect -- to envision that end and act to avoid that outcome.

On the other hand, if those who know you the best, who are those most likely to be affected, can honestly say they don't think it's a problem when you tell them what's going on, then it might not be. Talk to those around you. Then listen with your heart.