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I wish I had a buck for every writer (published or non-) who wasted years "being practical," denying what they are, and suppressing their creativity--until depression and near-breakdowns forced them to realize it was literally "write or die." :( It's a shame that this society regards creative work as a "get-over" or unprofitable instead of the calling it is for many people. And it's a shame that people who are creative often get ridicule and doom-saying. Someone who wants to be a doctor or an engineer isn't told right off that bat that they are untalented, or impractical, or can't make it, ever. :P
LW, there are people who were made to write and who cannot be happy or truly fulfilled unless they do so. I don't think it's the fame/money you are after as much as a life where you can write for the joy of it (and honestly, that is the only reason to write that is ultimately fulfilling no matter how your books sell--or even if you get published.) Get therapy. Realize that the creative part of you _is_ important, does count, and deserves to be nourished. Take time for yourself--whenever those voices do the "you don't deserve this; you're cheating your family" thing, tell them that if you are unhappy and frustrated, you are cheating yourself--and your family--even worse. As other posters have noted, find a babysitter so you can get some free time. Find people in your life who like your writing and support your efforts. And stop "should-ing" on yourself. :)
Books that will help:
1) BECOMING A WRITER, by Dorothea Brande. She addresses the "I'm too old to write" fear with insight and wisdom. Just as important, she shows you how to obtain a workable, productive balance between your artist (creative) side and your editor (critical) side--a lesson that you could really use. 2) BIRD BY BIRD, by Anne Lamott, (who knows all the damaging bullshit those critical voices can sling and gives ways to counteract it.) As well, it helps to read bios about female writers and how they balanced domesticity, self/outside-criticism, and writing. Shirley Jackson, for one; Louisa May Alcott, for another. And Grace Metalious, the PEYTON PLACE author--though her story also is a cautionary tale of letting fame/money become your main motivation for writing. :)
You are a lot further along than a lot of people, in that you have finished work and are submitting it. And you've kept at it in spite of the voices, in spite of marital difficulties; in spite of a lot of things that have been known to make writers give up. Now all you need is confidence in your abilities and what you are, and therapy can really help in this regard. Good luck to you!!
