You know the type; always forgets the names of people and movies on purpose, always late, never knows where the keys are, 'worst' sense of direction. Basically a narcissist control freak tyrant with a martyr complex.

"Hon, I know you don't mean to, but when you use my phone you don't open it correctly, and you've broken it. Unfortunately it's a really expensive phone, so I need to ask you to help with the cost of replacing it."

And then find out why she's so dense she can't learn a simple task after being instructed on it repeatedly. What's the story there? Being 50 does not automatically make you incompetent, does it?

I mean, I'm trying to visualize you holding the phone and correcting her as she tries to pry it open, and her not getting it. Something's missing, and inquiring minds want to know. Sort of.

1) Why did you keep letting her use your phone if she has one?

2) If she makes a habit of doing stuff like this to you (re: using your snow blower without replacing the gas), she is being inconsiderate to you no matter how "generous" she is to everyone else.

3) Short form--she consistently takes advantage of you and you let her. A friend who does that is _not_ a friend. State your case to her: you reminded her how to open that phone a hundred times but she still didn't do it right and broke it--you therefore want her to pay for repairs. If she doesn't pay, and gives you a hard time, she doesn't respect your stuff (much less you) and you should end the friendship anyway if she doesn't.

I think I get it. She's your friend, for better or for worse. You don't want to drop her, for whatever reason. But you do need to ask her to replace your phone, or you're going to get really really mad. And that will make both you and her unhappy.

Maybe try this, and make it all sort of joke. Go to her with the phone and say something like "Check it out. This is how you open my phone." Then go into Cary's demonstration above. "Get it now? Cool." Show her what happens if you try to open the phone any other way.

Now, when you are both intriguied and laughing at the demonstration, show her that the phone is broken. Explain what happened. Tell her how much it cost to replace, and ask (or imply) that she pay for it. By going through the demonstration, you've made it much harder for her to deny that she's at fault. And you've just had a mutually shared pleasant experience, which will increase the chance that she's willing to play nice.

If she still won't pay for the phone....well then, my friend, you have a very different situation. Then, I would think hard about dropping her. Being clumsy and socially inept is one thing. Breaking things and refusing to pay for them when asked is a whole different ballgame.

"I'll lose my friendship over it if I [get mad]." Really? She's free to bang up your stuff, and you're not allowed to have a natural reaction? Why is that?

Next question - four hundred thirty-five dollars!?!? For a phone? Is this what's happening now?

What you will probably have to do is suck it up and never ever mention the phone again. And if you must replace the phone with the same model, then you must do what Cary said in describing the phone and it's operation, should you want to hand her your phone and again risk your friendship.

What is says is that she doesn't have the respect for you to treat your belongings with care, which means it's likely that she doesn't really care about you either, and you should probably just walk away. If she calls or asks, you can explain your position of disappointment in her lack of respect for other people or their property.

Why you say? Well if you ask her to replace it, there are 2 options, 1. she says no, in which case you can't force her, yelling at her won't help, and in the end you walk away. Or 2. she says yes, but then she feels that her friendship has been irreparably hurt over what she'll call a measly phone, that was poorly designed and your decision making in regards to selecting a phone will be called into question.

In the end, asking her to pay for it's replacement is a Kobayashi Maru (no win scenario).

You spent $435.00 on a phone ??

Hell, I bought a car - my ol' Corolla - for just 100 bucks more than that!

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Firstly, if I even spent half that much on an item, I would not lend it to anyone so casually - much less a 50 y.o. who has a hard time grasping how to use new technology.

Secondly, it was clearly a mistake and not malice on your friend's part.

Thirdly: you, LW, can afford to spend nearly half a grand on a cell phone - so clearly you can afford to replace it by yourself, no?

(And maybe it's just me - but this time, perhaps you should not let your friend borrow your replacement phone...whatever its price?)

You should not have let her borrow your phone, and you paid $435 to learn that you need to say no. I think if you ask her to pay you back, you might get the money, but you will lose her as a friend. So you have to decide what her friendship's worth to you.

You also need to learn phrases like the following:

"No, I don't lend that phone out." (At this point, you can tag on, "I learned that the hard way! Someone broke my last one!")

"Sure, you can ride my snowmobile! Want to go halves with me on the gas?"

I would also suggest that you consider getting a less expensive phone. They are small electronic things that can all too easily get broken or lost. I learned this the hard way myself. You should only spend on a phone the amount that you would feel OK about putting on a roulette table.