You are heading for married folks arguments. Can't you just hear yourself when your new hubby says you should wear a nicer coat when visiting his parents? I am in cautionary agreement with others that you two are too young, your fiancee might be a controller-in-training, you are just a snob and immature, and some other reasons not to marry.

The problem with our answers is that it is possible to make a mistake in marriage no matter how long you live together, your age, your compatibility with each others families. The best insurance is that each of you know yourselves and have emotional maturity, intelligence and great people skills.

In my own marriage, we did not have any of this, especially me. I was the man, age 32 and my wife-to-be 26. She was brought up under the influence of a controlling mother and never got over it. I finally broke free, as best I could, from the family that mama made, by doing my own thing despite them and not getting the least bit upset by mama's rantings and ravings.

I did not do as well with my wife's rantings and ravings and probably, for a happy life, should have divorced her early on in the marriage. Unfortunately, the situation was set in concrete for both of us and we had too unhappy a life together until she died after 30 years of marriage.

To bad we can't all get it right the first time around, but we should all try and we all have the right to question our own marriage - current or future.

Good luck to the both of you. Let's hope you make the right decision.

LW, you are not required to like anybody. You do have to love them if you want to be family with their son. These are two different things, and people frequently mistake love for like-a-whooooooooooooole-lot. It's not.

I faced a similar quandry when I married young to someone whose family's seemed to have nothing in common with mine. We've been married for over 20 years.

My upbringing included nine siblings, a multi-racial and multi-ethnic family, college eduacated parents, grace before meals, all meals in the dining room, music lessons, stay-at-home mom, small b&w tv, no cable, no fire-arms; we went to parochial school.

Hubby had one sibling, a working mother, alcoholic un/under-employed father, nobody ever went to college, they all hunt, all dinners (including holidays) are on those flimsy metal tv-trays with the simulated woodgrain top in front of whatever cable-tv show blared from the color console; he went to public school.

We grew up in the same town, with the same socio-economic status and with the same faith, but a world apart. I thought my family was like the Kennedys if the Kennedys were middle class and that his was like a Jeff Foxworthy joke. I pitched a fit the first year because we had to have Thanksgiving dinner with his folks where there was no giving thanks, no lasagne, no watching Dallas beat whomever & no Scrabble game afterwards.

I complained about the IL's to my mother, who told me, "You owe them nothing but love." Huh? But I don't like them! "Love them. Every kind of love means the following: You are kind to them, you act in their best interests and you don't give or tolerate abuse." It doesn't mean you give into every demand, it doesn't mean you have to crochet or give up your vegetarianism, and it doesn't mean a 50/50 split of your time. It means you are kind, etc. I probably would not have befriended my inlaws if I didn't fall head over heels for their son, but I love them fiercely now. I have grown to enjoy their company even though I don't understand the NASCAR obsession they share with their other dauther-in-law. And they love and tolerate me, that 1/4 italian chick who brings vegetarian lasagne every holiday.

Your in-laws-to-be are a precious gift to you. They won't live forever. While they do, you can continue to learn how to get along with people who are different from you. Embrace them, thank them for their kindness and for their son. Best of luck to you.

Bluedog1276 not sure what you are talking about. LW didn't say she didn't like people who's values are different from her own (neither did Obama, but I'm guessing you don't know what you're talking about). LW said she didn't like to spend lots of time with in-laws - is that hard to understand? I like my in-laws just fine, but three hours is as much as I can take! It's not her in-laws values, it's them, just them. Religious-Zealot mommy and Uber-Controlling daddy - she doesn't want to spend days and nights with them. There's nothing wrong with her wanting to spend her life in a certain way and saying so out loud. LW isn't a snob at all, she just knows what she wants, something a lot of adults don't seem to know.

I have no idea where you get your 'marriages fail because of different values', but feel free to expand that unique argument. So far it makes no sense at all.

Speaking of people who are intolerant of people who are different, conservatives and small-town types are the most intolorant of them all (at least here in the USA). I've lived in small towns and medium to big cities, and small-farm-town types are OK, and even better when I don't have to hear them.

Sometimes I think people use the term "small town farm family" as a euphemism for low class and embarrassing (to be indentified with). This issue is the hilarious and wonderful American conundrum. Class free society anyone? Many, if not most, of America's biggest success stories came from humble roots, and no, their parents weren't reading Shakespeare after work.

Enter the "company," with the in laws wearing all the wrong things and, god forbid, slipping in some bad grammar. The plot of some of our favorite movies.

The fact that this girl's "educated" beloved still feels affection and pride in his hick parents is a litmus test of his character, and an excellent prediction of his future success. Definitely don't stay in the kitchen if you can't take the heat, girl, but there will be ten pretty girls lined up behind you who can take it very well (and you'll live to regret it).

....or, as Carlos Castaneda's Don Juan once remarked to him, "Do you think you are better than I am? Because if anything, I am better than you are" (Don Juan being the ethnic "hick").