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Friday, March 20, 2009 12:00 AM

Sleeping with the in-laws

His parents are small-town farm people and I don't like them!

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  • Friday, March 20, 2009 06:54 AM

    relax a little...

    If you really enjoy being around your parents, even an entire four days a year probably isn't enough. Go back on your own time, by yourself. One of the things you'll need to learn about marriage is that you're not joined at the hip.

    Yeah, maybe you're too young to get married. Maybe you only know this guy from your school environment. I made both mistakes and still have a wonderful marriage. Wonderful, not perfect. (Intense but occasional arguments over approaches to domestic labor notwithstanding.) That's another thing you'll learn about marriage.

    A third is that you are not your parents, or his parents, nor should you be. Your parents have flaws which you will discover as you get older--and so does their marriage, most likely. If his parents have a marriage that works for them, then it appears his mother either doesn't mind being controlled (maybe she's a good, submissive religious woman) or she just lets him have his way on a lot of superficial things. You have no idea what's really going on, and neither do a lot of posters here who have absolutely no idea what your fiance is really like other than that his father is controlling.

    In any case, it's good that you'll be distant from your families. That was really something that helped us, seeing them only once or twice a year. Also, we don't see them at holidays--we spend our holidays by ourselves and visit them at other times of the year. Holidays will only disappoint.

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