there's no review board. you can just do it, if you want to.

A lot of people get more boring as they get older, and it may or may not have anything to do with drugs. I've never used drugs (and barely ever drink), and yet, I was once considered exciting and talented and brilliant. 10 years later, I'm pretty average and probably a lot less interesting.

Part of it is the audience. You've been exposed to a lot more things over the years. You know more about art and you've met more people and heard more stories. The discussions that seemed new and fresh 5 years ago aren't so new and exciting any more. Even if you went back in time and met your friend the way she used to be, you probably wouldn't see her the same way. You've changed too.

And I'm sure she's changed. As we get older and have more things weighing on us, we have less energy to be fascinating. She may have gotten to that point ahead of you, because of her experiences of overcoming her addiction, so maybe she's less carefree than you are. But most of us get there eventually. 5 or 10 years in the future, you probably will experience the same thing.

That's not to say that you have to stay friends with her, but it's a bit unrealistic to think that anyone, drugs or not, will be the same a few years later.

LW,

I'm confused. You say your friend's "observations strike [you] as a bit shallow." Umm, your letter strikes me as being completely shallow, which you acknowledge. It is not your friend's job in life to be the person you think she should be. I've always said that I wouldn't want anyone to be around me who didn't genuinely want to be. I think you owe Rosie the same courtesy. If you think you're tool cool for her (I'm not saying you are, but you seem to think so) then you should tactfully walk away from the relationship.

A year ago I went off the alcohol for several months due to being on medication, and was struck by how uninteresting everyone around me suddenly became.

As it turns out, alcohol didn't make *me* interesting, it made *everyone else* interesting.

Awe. Some.

You were probably attracted to this woman's edginess and the fact that she was ahead of you in some things -- education, culture, politics, being "out-there," whatever. You learned from her, you were amused by her, she seemed brilliant to you because she was somewhere you had never been.

People don't lose IQ points when they forego alcohol and drugs. They do, however, take on a responsibility, not unlike someone who has a child and chooses to devote herself to the child rather than interests she previously pursued and perhaps now sees as superficial. I'm sure your friend reads as quickly as she ever did and is still capable of dressing herself in a creative way. Her primary focus has, however, moved to things that obviously don't interest you.

Your letter doesn't indicate that she's begging you to stay in her life. Is it possible she's just hanging with you for old time's sake and because she's nice? Maybe she won't even miss you if you just steal away for a bit.

I really enjoyed reading this. Just so. Just so. Thank you.

... that exchange from "American Beauty"

Angela Hayes: Yeah? Well, at least I'm not ugly!

Ricky Fitts: Yes, you are. And you're boring, and you're totally ordinary, and you know it.

Thanks, Cary-

that was spot on. Pretty much what I was trying to say in repsonse to the journalism thing. Heck-when I was a precocious 22, I was peddling a totally different talent than the one that makes me happy now.

And also so not cool anymore-who cares???

The craft is really about the journey; can't get there without it.

Thanks for nailing it.

I don't know what else to say but thank you.

Is LW's problem that while he and drug-chick were apart they grew in different directions? Perhaps she was much more mature than he in high school, and now they are more equal, hence she's not as mysterious and interesting? I've had friend(s) that went off to college and some got boring (joined a frat) or got ultra-conservative (joined ROTC). People change, and that period during high school and college are periods of rapid change while youngsters discover who they are (or pick some archtype and duplicate it).

Sadly, many of the peeps we enjoy when we're young we lose over the years - LW sounds like he's really into some college-art-scene, and it's no surprise that he has little in common with drug-chick.

She's not your entertainment committee,she's supposed to be your friend. She got her life together and it sounds like you haven't yet. Is that the case? Are you still bracing up the bar every day, thinking you're a riot and funny as hell? I'm glad for her.

Carey, this was a lovely piece of advice.

yep,that was a good one, thx

Maybe. Cary Tennis knows what he writes about. He knows your life better than you know. Read and believe.

of personality. if you think it is bad now, wait till the contraction of the 30s sets in.

once you drop out of the big sexual competition, you don't pay attention to the jokes, the lingo, the pop culture, the styles, the fashions in intoxication, your own self, the way you do now.

drunk or sober, this is on the way.

there are compensations, fortunately,

but none of this negates cary's gorgeous reply.

Thank you for so succinctly summing up something that I've been trying to put into words for years. I am forwarding this to several friends and family members.

Billy

We all hide that "edge" as we get older. Or rather, it gets buried by heaps of responsibility, worries, creaking bones and failing bodies.

The edge is still there but it sloooowly gets coated in the gunk of life. Every now and then a body will clean off the edge and other people see it and some people LOVE it (you, me, Cary) and others fear it.

Many people with the sharpest edges are also, not coincidentally, addicts. Their edge is so sharp that it becomes dangerous to hold and the addict is forced to choose between dulling the edge with a substance or trying to hide the edge so that it doesn't cut them and everyone around them.

But the edge will always be there. It's just a matter of how much of it a person is able to safely handle.