... and I quit the job.

Then I took another job with a 280-mile commute, got a promotion and have had the happiest time of my life over the last few years.

A year after I quit the job I saw someone from the old job in the street and that person said that I looked like a different person. You looked like you were getting ready to die he said, which was probably accurate.

So I would be inclined to go along with Cary's advice and quit the job, but of course you don't quit the job until you have another job with a start date all arranged.

No job is worth dying for, other than military service (and even then it is questionable), and a job can kill you, no doubt about it.

So quit while you are alive.

you might want to find a normal job first, and then quit. but be aware that a normal job might pay 35K as opposed to 120K, or 80K or whatever.

But MAN am I ever glad I am just a total loser at the bottom of the totem pole when I read letters like this one.

Cary, you are on a roll today, aren't you? That was quite the epic rant.

The only advice I would add is that if you're planning to become a parent, you're going to need to chill out a LOT to keep your sanity. Overachievers tend to be control freaks, and they tend to over-identify with their offspring, both of which traits can cause major problems and headaches from the get-go. Take a sabbatical or something before you get started, and try to let go and let it be a little more often.

My wife had the job from Hell for several years. Unlike you, she looked for a different job whenever she had free time and wasn't too exhausted to do so. I helped with that whenever I could, and did the bulk of the household chores. She finally got a new job with normal hours, at the same pay, and is much happier, and so am I, but she still hasn't fully recovered from the old one. It's not unlike PTSD.

Maybe you can afford to quit like Cary says. My wife couldn't afford to quit. We had bills to pay that required her salary. If you can quit, great. If you can't, especially in the screwed up economy, then ignore Cary's idealistic advice. Homelessness is far worse than a bad job.

So I recommend the following: your health really is the most important thing in the world, and don't let your work ruin it. Ratchet things down as much as you can. Then, look for another job, and consider anything that pays the minimum amount you need to get by. Get the hell out of this job ASAP. And good luck. I really mean it. I know what it's like for you two.

Before doing anything drastic like quitting, why don't you ask your boss for a sit-down, face-to-face meeting? Explain how you're most concerned about doing a great job, and you're feeling a bit overwhelmed with the workload. Ask your supervisor for suggestions on how to organize what is on your plate. Take in a list of everything that is expected of you for the next month (i.e. list of deadlines) and indicate how many meetings and extra requirements come in on average every day. This may alert your manager to extra expectations he or she isn't aware of that others are putting on your shoulders.

When you're new at a job, often many managers keep piling on the work (especially for new overachiever employees) to see how much you can handle. If you explain that you're trying very hard to do a great job, and you want advice on how to better manage your workload and meet expectations, it might help. It will show the boss that you're conscientious, aware that there is a problem in meeting everyone's needs, and would like advice on how to better prioritize your various tasks.

Don't go in upset or angry, saying that you're being overworked, that you feel too much pressure and that you are at the end of your rope. Be cool. You're asking for advice (and in a subtle way, letting your boss know that too many people are pulling you in different directions, and you need some relief).

My guess is that you're working in a place like my former job, where I sort of reported to a lot of people, and everyone wanted me to do more than humanly possible. Once I alerted my boss that I was having difficulty meeting the various project deadlines with so many meetings and additional expectations being put on my shoulders via hoards of email and countless meetings every day, we were able to find a more manageable solution - and my boss felt I was taking my career seriously and focusing on quality work. My boss told some of the other people to back off on asking me to do extra work, mainly because he realized that HIS priorities would end up shorted if he didn't remove some of the pressure.

I'm a little wary of the "just quit" advice, because of my experience. I was one of those valued, in-demand employees, with headhunters calling me - until massive layoffs hit my industry. I was laid off, searched in vain for another job, lost my health insurance, got cancer - there are worse things than a bad job. Losing your job can also be hazardous to your health. In this economy, I'm not sure anyone can be blithe about finding another job.

What you can do is set limits. Learn to say "no". I know it's not easy, but what's the worst that can happen - they'll fire you? Maybe, but most likely they won't want to take the trouble of hiring someone else and training them. Figure out what you really NEED to do to do your job, and what's not - and be firm and clear about it. This will be very difficult at first. But keep reminding yourself, this is what I must do to keep my sanity. If I don't do this, I will burn out and won't be any good to anyone. You can do it.

If it doesn't work, then you can quit. But a lot of employers will push you until you break, or until you push back.