"I grew up in a very small town. There was no bookstore (or record store, or place to buy comics, or place that showed art films)."

Art films? LOL. What about crayons? Did you know how to color in a coloring book with other children or was that just too beneath your budding intellect?

See my point is that life is like coloring in a coloring book with others. You all focus on what colors make you happiest, take pride in picking them out and using them, and then compare and contrast the fruits of your efforts. However, getting along with others at the coloring table, and being invited back to color, requires you to be polite to their choices of colors and ignore that they may have colored outside the lines.

So you had the upbringing that you had. Big deal. Find a box of crayons and sit down and color with someone you love - today.

But, since you know everything already, you already know THAT, too!

Do you?

Really, how do you stand yourself? Such sophomoric drivel.

When I was younger, I never spoke much at all. What I finally learned was that I was missing out on knowing the most fascinating people by never engaging them.

With you, they just run screaming. But the end result is just the same.

Do you really want to miss out on knowing truly interesting people because you are, in fact, a Bore?

What a shame. Life is short. I love all of my friends and acquaintances. They add so much to my life. We engage in conversation that is an even exchange, we each love hearing the other's opinion. We take turns. It is fun, animated dialogue that takes twists and turns, and we never know where it will end up. Three or four in a group, and then mix in different genders and generations, and, well, almost as exhilirating as sex! Or really good chocolate.

No, really, try it sometime!

I can hardly wait to hear from you, John Anderson. Yikes.

On the belief that the LW is still checking letters here are my two cents.

LW I really really identified with your letter. I too remember forcing myself to wait 15 seconds before raising my hand in a class, tallying the number of times I'd spoken in a work meeting, etc.

The most telling remark you made though, the one that grabbed my attention and resonated, was about your fear that however smart you are there are other people out there with real knowledge, deep knowledge, ADULT knowledge (you're feeling that you're still just a precocious child is telling too). You didn't say that you're surrounded by people less intelligent than you, but by people who seem to know more than yourself. My heart goes out to you on this one.

What you suspect is true, and the sooner you internalize this the better. The people in the world with a sturdy foundation of knowlege of one subject (whether it's international development, local politics, healthcare, whatever) and a few true, concrete skills like foreign languages, medical training, a legal background etc. that facilitate the utilization and deployment of that knowlege tend to go much farther in life than jabber-mouth know-it-all's who can't specialize or use their random facts.

It sounds like you may already be specializing with your masters degree (I hope it's not in some all-purpose humanities program--I have nothing against humanities, I majored in English. But nothing leaves you feeling less tethered to the world than an undergrads level of knowlege of 19th century English fiction).

For what it's worth, what has really worked for me has been to make a real commitment not to the bare concept of being an autodidact but to myself, or more specifically to my future self. In my case this has meant 1). a real commitment to speaking French in 2 years and 2). forcing myself to read and work on one issue, only following tangents in so far as they intersect with this work. 3). focusing my projects at work and at home on this subject. It's rewarding to know that your appetite for something useful and specific can be just as rapacious as it is for randome knowlege.

With all that work, there's a lot less time to care about being the center of attention in a conversation.

From what I can tell, there's been a lot of good advice in the letters to you. Take the comments about listening, what others want from you in a conversation, and how to be charming very seriously. Good Luck!

I had to find a different way of communicating when I was in my midtwenties. I consciously made myself say 1/3 of what I was inclined to say, just sort of across the board. I'd think of two things to say then say the third. It really made a difference! And it wasn't too drastic because I really had a lot I thought I needed to say.

That's how you stop being a know-it-all. Oh and dump the smug thing; it is really unattractive.

I don't know if I'm a current or former KIA. I hope at this point it's the latter, since I've been working on taming the KIA demon since grad school, but either way, I can relate.

My suggestions:

1) Write. Others have suggested getting a blog. That could work. People who know you always have the option of not reading your blog. (Lots of people don't read mine; I don't take it personally, because it is my outlet exactly for when I want to go on at length about something most people don't care about.) But I would recommend just writing in a notebook, where you can't get external validation of any kind for your thoughts. Just write them down, 'cause otherwise they will fill up your head and tumble around and make it impossible to shut up or think. Not getting anyone's opinion on them might help you understand that thoughts don't have to be externalized to be real and valid.

2) Learn something you think you can't learn, like how to go to a cocktail party without having an anxiety attack. You may think you can't learn this, but you probably can. This requires learning the social skills of conversation, and of how to stand around being uncomfortable without looking it (hint: if you don't look uncomfortable, no one will know you are). It might also require digging in and finding out WHY a cocktail party causes anxiety.

If you are so smart and know so much, you can learn the social skills too (the same skills that other letters already mentioned, like listening and asking questions), and become self-aware of your social impact. If you are not interested in taking that kind of step, though, you may always remain a KIA, even if you take Cary's (very good) advice and stay quiet for a while.