This has nothing to do with environmentalism. Your husband is a control freak.

If he were into religion instead of environmentalism (and as your husband practices it there isn't much difference between the two), he'd be browbeating you about that. I say run...

Or, you know, the next time he asks you to hang the wet laundry out to dry, you could say, "You know, sweetie, I don't have time. Why don't YOU hang the laundry out to dry?" And then shove the basket at him and walk away.

It's easier to be an environmentalist when someone else is doing a big part of the work to make that happen.

Seriously, you might want to think about tossing a counselor into this mix. His goals have evidently morphed from yours since you got together, but he is attempting to make his goals the only important ones. That's bad, environmentalist or not. You need a third party to help work these issues out before it gets really bad.

Screw this guy.

Lose this guy, he's a prick and a phrase I use *very* rarely as its been massively abused - a male chauvinist pig. A ugly little man with tunnel vision.

Cary is right on! The points about not seeing the bigger picture and resorting to primitive choices were especially powerful in this case.

This is also an example of what kinds of behavior show animal rights activists, or environmentalists in this case, in a negative light. It doesn't have to get so extreme! He is in for a world of hurt if he leaves his small environmentally sound patch of land to travel. Everywhere he will find deplorable acts, destroying and damaging to every ecosystem humans come into contact with. It's heartbreaking. It should not turn him into this kooky zealot.

While his basic ideology is admirable and his intentions seem good, he's missing the larger more permanent changes by allowing himself to become trapped in the minutiae of domestic life. LW, you seem reasonable so you must realize you don't have to go along with him on his crazy scientific experiment. It does not, however, sound as if you will be able to reason with him at this point. May I suggest a third party? Perhaps a mediator/therapist/social worker. Something has to change for you to be able to continue living together.

I couldn't get in ahead of the first respondents, who have already said, correctly, that this is not about environmentalism at all. It is about narcissism, domination, and lack of empathy. Will your husband get better or worse over time? Las Vegas oddsmakers will give you 100-1 odds that he will get worse and still feel pretty confident of coming out ahead.

But you need to repeat to yourself over and over again, "This is not about environmentalism," because your husband will insist that it certainly is. Pay no attention to the words--we all know how "logical" he is. Just try to stay focused on his anger while you are having the discussion. Watch his body language, listen for his tone of voice.

You may not be ready to run yet, as scores of commenters are going to advise you, but they all speak from experience and have your best interests at heart. And remember: this is not about environmentalism.

Spend your days hanging out clothes after washing thm by hand, grow your own wheat ,beans and veggies. Bake bread after grinding the grain by hand.Knit your socks and sweaters from your sheep that you shear . Spend your days searching for materials to recycle to build yourself a shelter since you'll need to quit your job so yo can make soap and candles. If he dares complain ask him what kind of superficial enviromentalist he is , anyway.

You're working 50 hours a week at job #1 and also work at job #2, while he loafs around coming up with complaints? (OK, he's also a student, but still.)

I don't even have to get to the environmentalism part. I hope he's very, very good in the sack. You are getting used and screwed but good. Please, please, kick this guy to the curb unless he learns to mind his own laundry and earn his own living.

Your husband sounds like a selfish, self-absorbed prick. You work 50 hours a week and he criticizes you? As far as he is concerned, it is all about him and his self proclaimed IMPORTANT IDEAS. Dump him!

I see some of my own friends in this. There is an element of obsessive-compulsiveness--a need to control something that is firmly out of his control. Perhaps he is obsessed with environmentalism because he fears what might happen if he is not. So he seeks to control what he can to a self-damaging degree. I think getting at the root of his anxiety, and his need to use environmentalism as a conduit for channeling control, might aid him.

Perhaps he's feeling insecure about your breadwinner status.

He's being a control freak, and he's got some sort of issue. But that having been said, I suggest the same remedy that has always been offered in this situation: if he's got better ideas about how to do the chore, let him do the chore. If he doesn't want to, he can put a sock in it.

Three things:

There's nothing wrong with being committed to an extreme social ideal, but you shouldn't necessarily expect others, even your significant others, to meet your standards - and in this case do all the additional hard work it takes to meet them. I've known plenty of off-the-grid folks in Sonoma Co. who've chosen to grow and grind their own wheat, etc. - but they're not expecting a partner to put them through grad school in the city (hey, they probably even use electricity at his university - horrors!)

Second, this fellow sounds like he could be headed for some serious emotional or mental health issues. Depending so deeply on extreme ideals for your own self-validation is not a a good sign. He may need some kind of a time out from whatever's stressing him, whether it's civilization or the relationship. Or maybe he's just an asshole control freak.

Third, Cary: your reply was a nice essay, but I don't think it addressed her real problem. A little concrete advice might have been appropriate - mine would be to seek counsel from a Buddhist organization, preferably, if not to flee immediately. I wrote to you for advice years ago, and got some actual advice, which was helpful. I didn't follow it exactly, but it provoked some thoughts that propelled me along to a solution. (And, thanks!)