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you feel normal, and you want to do what you normally do...which might be drinking or using pot. But then, if the drugs really worked, you probably wouldn't want to drink or use pot.

Or would you?

It's an interesing puzzle...hopefully it won't lead to the psych ward.

Cary, normally your advice is WONDERFUL, but you really struck out on this one. As someone who has lived with bipolar without a single manic episode since I was first diagnosed over six years ago, I can definitively say: let him keep his pot! I did much, much worse when I tried to go without (or was forced to because I couldn't find a source), but for the last four or so years I've had a steady source and a steady mental state.

PLEASE don't tell bipolar people that just because the so-called "experts" (who have absolutely no statistically relevant scientific studies to go on, just a few inordinately small and contradictory ones) say pot is bad, that it is. Pot has had a very stabilizing influence on at least one bi-polar person (me), and I am so very grateful that I have it as part of my "cocktail" (along with more traditional medications like lithium and welbutrin).

Cary, normally your advice is WONDERFUL, but you really struck out on this one. As someone who has lived with bipolar without a single manic episode since I was first diagnosed over six years ago, I can definitively say: let him keep his pot! I did much, much worse when I tried to go without (or was forced to because I couldn't find a source), but for the last four or so years I've had a steady source and a steady mental state.

PLEASE don't tell bipolar people that just because the so-called "experts" (who have absolutely no statistically relevant scientific studies to go on, just a few inordinately small and contradictory ones) say pot is bad, that it is. Pot has had a very stabilizing influence on at least one bi-polar person (me), and I am so very grateful that I have it as part of my "cocktail" (along with more traditional medications like lithium and welbutrin).

Sociopaths lie to you because they have fun making a chump out of you. Ordinary people lie to you because you are wearing a big sign that says "If you tell me the truth about X, I will have a moralistic fit."

If you would rather not be lied to about X, don't give the other person a reason to lie to you about X.

Yes, in this case, X is a criminal activity. I don't know what to do about that. If the government criminalized the eating of French fries--it almost did in 2003--it would probably be a lot clearer to all of us that we should side with the French fries eaters and not the government. French fries are provably more unhealthy for most people than marijuana. Even so, we wouldn't want our spouses to go to jail for eating French fries, especially if there are kids involved. So we can't just call the government idiotic and go about our business. It does not like being called idiotic and it has great power and pursues those who disagree with it with great vengefulness. Lying to the kids about how awful the French fries are, though, just because the government urges us to do so, seems to me to be a really bad idea. How stupid do we think kids are, once they are old enough to read and think? But that's another subject.

It's amazing how often pot use figures in Cary's columns, precisely as it does in this one--as a point of great stress in a relationship. I call this one of the "hidden costs" of the war on drugs.

Wow, reading about pot-smoking really made me want to light up.

I think a red flag that sort of snuck past is not spending any real time together. Sometimes people just get into a rut - especially with kids. But sometimes people don't spend time together because they really prefer not to. There can be a hundred excuses; the kid is just a convenient one. It could as easily be something else - job, extended family - anything. This, paired with lying about stuff, makes me worried that he has already separated himself emotionally from the LW.

So, someone with a chronic behavioral health issue has meds prescribed for him by a GP who, given the state of general medicine, means he/she spends at least fifteen minutes every quarter titrating LW's hubby's dosage.

Someone with a chronic behavioral health issue has NO behavioral health professional working with him. I note that there are, indeed, any number of crackpot therapists out there. There are also many thoughtful, insightful, concise and meticulous therapists out there, some of whom are psychiatrists trained to both prescribe and monitor a behavioral health issue. The hubby should be seeing one of them, frankly. Bipolarity is a compellingly serious issue, and requires substantive awareness and care.

Indeed, pot can have an impact on some of hte meds used for bipolarity. Thus, using it is a defiance of directed enlightened self-care, and concealing it is childish and is an abrogation of trust, of mutual marital trust of the deepest sort. I don't care to touch on the issue of legality; the drug is contraindicated due to a negative interface. I note that, as an insulin dependent diabetic, I do not use alchohol in any form. I might as well mainline a coma.......

Bipolarity, in and of itself, is a challenging medical issue; those with the condition tend to be profoundly self-focused with a limited capacity to hear the messages of others. Thus, the arguements, the ignoring of the doctor's advice, the lassitude in truly searching out richly competent medical support for the core condition.......there is a pattern of inherent selfishness that LW's hubby is demonstrating, and it is that pattern that is profoundly disturbing. It is not about the pot, it is about the blatent disrespect.

I might suggest that LW begin to get a clear grip on herself. Clearly, she has started. what are HER boundaries, HER wishes, HER goals for a deep personal life with a lifepartner? when she begins to see what her needs are, she may well understand the nature and depth of the impact that her husband's behavior has on her, and she can calculate what she wishes to deal with and not. I do note that bipolarity is profoundly challenging to deal with in a balanced way. There is a great deal of information about this condition, and I suggest that LW start with a self-education program. I truly wish her luck.