however inevitable, it may be long time before her trash-talk bites her in the butt.

Your anxiety is not just "sensitivity"; it's also recognition that her behavior is doomed and dreadfully unfair to her "underlings"..

At two months in, it's likely you can't judge just how likely she is to "triumph" over her rivals.

She may be expressing her impotence -- are her complaints petty and personal? -- Are the subjects of her scorn more powerful, male, better connected? (She may be resigned that eventually -- but not yet, lord -- she will resign from this humiliating position in which she is not heard or valued.)

If you like the company (and/or it's the best gig out there), continue your distance, your ploys that allow you to honestly be unable corroborate when someone senior asked if she "really" said whatever.

I worked under a massively competitive, massively undermining, massively competitive "partner" who managed to engage the dissatisfaction and ambition of many of my peers. Eventually, he engineered a coup and mismanaged the leadership position SO badly he was discharged without cause in under, irrc, 18 months. I disliked him the first day I worked there in part because of his lack of professionalism. He trashed his own career. It was a terrible waste. It sounds as if your immediate "superior" is on a similar trajectory.

My advice: Scope the prospects for a lateral transfer. Never volunteer your criticism of your current boss. (Your next boss doesn't want your talking "out of school" about him or her either).

Good luck. The job market sucks. Do what you have to avoid-avoid-avoid getting sticky in this. My suspicion is that -- though it may take some time -- her days are numbered.

Don't feel bad about being uncomfortable about this. It indicates that you're a good person who recognizes poor behaviour. Your boss is being stupid and childish and she's creating a work atmosphere that's tainted with mistrust and paranoia.

We have one in my office. Its from a poem, I think.

"Great minds discuss ideas;

Average minds discuss events;

Small minds discuss people."

Eleanor Roosevelt

This may of course be too subtle for her.

That's my takeaway. I am becoming her, which really bugs me because I know constantly complaining about this or that really irks the shit out of everyone in earshot, and I sit there and hear these words come out of my mouth and I think "oh god, I have to get out of here". Nobody wants to listen to my bitchfest.

I'll tell you where it comes from though: total powerlessness. Watching my manager and more senior managers making ill-informed decisions based on cronyism and willful ignorance. A complete and utter failure to recognize the complexity of what we (I) do, and years of failed or non-existent leadership, with nobody making the hard decisions that might make them unpopular even if its the right thing to do.

So, after years of trying to convince people of the path we need to go down, and years of being ignored and having to deal with the predictable -- and predicted -- fallout ("Wow, it's almost like I told you this was going to happen. Oh wait, I did.") the only thing I have left is cynicism. And apparently complaining.

I have no real advice for you except to suggest that your boss might actually be more miserable than you are, because she's the one who actually has to deal with this clown (the BP) and her work is directly impacted by their (in)ability to hold up their end of the bargain. Its pretty tough to get through the day when you know that you're being judged on circumstances over which you have no control.

I don't understand why it's such a big deal for the boss to let off steam. Yes, okay, it's not kosher to criticize people who aren't there, but to talk of finding another job over it??! Or psychoanalyzing her and finding nefarious motives (as Cary suggested)?! There's an old saying: instead of trying to carpet the world, wear slippers.

Maybe this is just a fault the boss has. Maybe the partner is an idiot. There's something fishy about the LW's "over-sensitivity." Here was the tip-off: There were many reasons I switched jobs, but getting out of a toxic social environment was a biggie. My old gig just left me feeling sad and drained and hurt at the end of every day.

Anyway, the LW seems to recognize this and wants to know how to cut it out. I don't really know how you get over yourself. Recognize that you have faults too? Know that other people are tolerating you too? That that's generally what we do with each other and it's all all right?

If you want to stop the criticism dead in its tracks, say: "Well, he always has the nicest things to say about you!"

Are all of Cary's fans such sensitive flowers? G'Town is right, but if the LW really needs some sort of escape, she (and this has to be a woman), wear head phones. They don't even need to be plugged in, but when the Boss Lady approaches, let her rant, and then whip the head phones off. Say you were transcribing or something.

It's entirely possible that the partners are evil, the boss is right and the LW is a wuss.

Wow, that's a tough one. I think one low-risk possibility is to try out a super-special-sweet-with-candy-sprinkles-on-top persona. "Oh, that's too bad! You poor thing! You must have felt awful being in that position! Having to do all that by yourself!"

Lay it on thick, lay it on real thick, but without ever badmouthing the partners yourself. Your emphasis should be on how unfortunate the boss is, not on how awful the partners are.

The boss lady doesn't want to be Poor Pitiful Pearl, she wants to be Sly Sally. If you pretend to mistake her tone and give her the wrong feedback, she'll soon find someone else to gripe to.