Site Presented By
Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
Good idea to put the letter and Cary's advice on separate pages. All of Cary's columns should be posted this way.
It's perfectly ok if you don't ever develop a maternal feeling towards this young lady, or feel anything more than you might wish to or limited to. However, you've provided an insightful look into her life and it's dysfunction. In many ways this is through no fault of her own. Her Father hasn't been present in her life. He's handed off his parental responsibilities to an employee and regardless of the Nanny's affection for this girl, she's still collecting a paycheck at the end of the day. She's not a life coach, and I'm sure that was never added into her job decription. You should place the blame squarely on your boyfriend for being more involved with his own selfish interests, then seeing to the welfare and raising of his daughter. She's in this predicament because her father decided it was easier to pay someone else to PHYSICALLY care for his daughter, and has remained removed from the other aspects that a child depends on their parent for. Children need continual guidance, love, support, life lesson instructions, appropriate discipline, day to day presence, and understanding. This girl has never had this. You would think that common sense would just make it's way to a person's mindset, but we learn by example, we learn by doing, hearing & behavior. If this isn't exhibited or expressed at all, much less consistently to her--why would she know any better than how she's getting along now? Even though technically this isn't your role, you are a fixture in her father's life. Have you sat her down and explained the reasoning why especially as a woman, we would promote good hygiene? Have you ever thought to take her for a haircut, along the time yours is due to instill good grooming habits, or at least promote a a friendly bond if nothing else? Setting an expectation of keeping her room tidy or picking up after herself? The other issues...such as reading a book each day and clumsiness...big deal. It's positive and great that she reads and you should promote this. Of course some people may tune everything else out when they do so, that's when you know the story is great! Clumsiness? Really, that's not indicative of any poor behavior. Give the kid a break. You don't have to go all Motherly on the kid but if you plan to be in her father's life and apart of the relationship, you must understand that she's in this life that you want to make with her father. No one says you have to adopt her as your very own, but is there anything wrong with friendship or care? She doesn't sound like the bad seed. Simply a young girl with little to no guidance and an inconsistent parental figure. Her decision making and life skills are rather poor, but it's not hard to understand why. You sound impatient, unhappy, and unwelcoming towards this girl as if she's the root problem. She's not. The problem lies with the adults in her life that should have her best interests at heart, show her the path BY EXAMPLE to adulthood, and perhaps stop making it sound as if she's just one big unlovable inconvenience to everyone...because as sure as your feeling it, you're definitely showing her this too.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Once seen as a lunatic fringe, reactionary anti-women groups are courting respectability
Salon headlines in your mailbox
