Have you sat down and talked to Anna about the things that she'll need to do/know to function as an adult?

Have you sat down and talked to Anna about what it was like, having her mother morph into a crazy person over what must have seemed like a day?

Have you sat down and talked with Anna about anything at all, or just blithely assumed that she would remain somehow on the outskirts of your relationship with her father?

Figure out if you are adult enough, loving enough to accept her as she is, while endeavoring to help her grow up and make better decisions.

Based on some of her behaviors (the bloody towel is disturbing, not for the reason you seem to think, but because it seems to represent a break with reality) it could be that Anna has some mental health issues of her own. Are you ready to be the stepmother to a mentally ill teenager, young adult, adult?

If the answers to these questions are no, then, please, leave. If the flat where you live is NOT a home for Anna, then you have lied. She and her father are a family. And you have not made it a home.

When I was sixteen (and seventeen, and eighteen, and nineteen) I was exactly like the young woman you are describing, and for almost the same reasons. My family was rich, but my father was absent and my mother absent and cold (which was worse).

I had a driver to drive me to school, a horde of nannies to prepare everything I needed. I drowned myself in science-fiction and fantasy, I has almost no friends, I didn't know how to do anything practical, I would have used the dirty towel without a second thought and I certainly wouldn't have known how to get my hair cut.

I was spoiled, but I don't think it was my main characteristic: my main characteristic was that (for many reasons) I didn't adapt to the practical world. And because I knew I was not adapted, and I felt the spite or the exasperation of everybody around, I withdrew each day further in my own little world.

Twenty-two years later: I am a divorced mother of two happy, beautiful and very practical kids, who are very social and have many friends. I left my parents home and struggled financially for years, but now, I am a professional and rather successful fantasy and sci-fi writer (in France) (I'm French). I am not the most practical of persons, but I have a full and rich life, I am very happy... and I have an excellent hairdresser. :)

I adapted, and I used my inner life to my advantage. I made my inner life my work, and in my job, if you are a little un-practical, people say: oh, that's ok, she's a writer, after all. (Well played, right?)

There is a point to this story. Well, many points.

1- People adapt. If her attitude is the result of her education and not a mental problem (and from what I read, I don’t see any), she will get better. Maybe not in her father’s home, but later, when she is on her own.

2- You are exasperated by her, which is perfectly normal. You think she is spoiled and doesn’t try to change… and you are right. But she feels your exasperation – she has to – and it makes her feel even more clumsy, even more inadapted. If she feels your anger, your worries, she will withdraw even more.

3- The fact that she is completely introverted (for now) is not a bad thing. She is creating who knows what (worlds ? stories? Images?) in her mind. There are a lot of jobs (publishing, communication, marketing, and all the creative fields – books, movies, videogames….) where she will be able to use whatever she is dreaming right now.

So, what to do?

Well… love her. Be her friend. Do not be her mother or stepmother – anyway, you don’t want that.

Imagine that you are her roommate and best friend. What would you do then, for her own good? How would you help her? You would (one) make her feel good about herself, (two) laugh with her of her own mistakes and quirks, so she can feel that they are not that big a deal, and (three) help her to become more autonomous by not doing her laundry (etc) for her. The best thing is to help her, step by step, to establish routines… but it will take time, she will never be good at it, and you have to never, never forget that it is NOT a big deal.

If her laundry is not done… well, her laundry is not done. If her towels are dirty… her towels are dirty. Never dramatize, laugh about it, laugh with her (not at her), do not do the chores for her, but propose to do them with her, to help. Do not get mad, do not get exasperated (if you can!), do not order her around, accept her as she is, love her as she is, and slowly, she will blossom.

Then, do whatever you can to help her get her independence as soon as possible (in two or three years, maybe?).

When she will be thrown in cold water, she will swim. :)