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You articulated what needed to be done in a clear and nonjudgemental way. I wish I could do the same.
Dear LW,
You're younger than I am but I still wasn't as selfish and obtuse as you are when I was in my twenties. Your boyfriend's daughter sounds like she has some emotional problems from being abandoned by BOTH loser parents. I think that's fair given the neglect she's suffered. What I don't get is why you can't see what a poor character your boyfriend has been to abdicate his responsibilties. Time to grow up. Parents OWE their children a lot, everything they can give frankly. If they can't do that, they shouldn't have children.