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• Tuesday, January 13, 2009 09:22 AM

  Close, Cary, but not quite

  Here's the problem with Cary's advice: Neither of the people he suggests to help this child are adequate.

  The father here obviously has about as much interest in raising his daughter as the LW does. He hasn't stepped up to the plate so far, in 16 years, so why in the WORLD would he start now, when many of the problems with this child are ingrained and probably harder to overcome?

  The nanny?? Are we missing here the detail that the nanny HAS raised this girl, and yet, the girl doesn't know how to brush her own teeth? So what good is it, to send the girl back to this nanny, who -- although she may love Anna -- hasn't necessarily done what she needs to do for this girl.

  So who does that leave? I think it leaves the LW. For all her selfishness, she at least seems to have a brain in her head and a somewhat clear picture of the problem.

  So, LW, I would say that you have a moral obligation to grow up real quick, work hard to soften your heart, realize that you may be the ONLY person who can truly help poor Anna, and DO THE JOB YOURSELF, hopefully with your future husband's help, if he can be convinced to play a more active role once you willingly do so.

  I mean, really, you have an opportunity here to make a huge difference in the life of a human being... why not seize the opportunity? It's not like it will last forever. With a little help, perhaps Anna will grow to be an independent, wise woman in only a few years' time...

  My only other advice? DO NOT (Please!!!!) have a child with this man.

  —Fennel-and-Dill Read Fennel-and-Dill's other letters
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