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Because I have seen kids like this 16 year old, with similar parental situations.
I think I have to agree with Mr. Tennis' advice. Had I the impression that the Letter-writer was not self absorbed and selfish, I might take a different view. If I thought she gave a damn about this kid I'd have a different view. On the other hand, if she takes Cary's advice, she will be replaced by the father with another version of herself, or perhaps worse.
Look at the situation a bit. The Letter writer is now about 25. The hooked up with "Dad" four years ago, when she was 21. The Father is, on the face of it, pretty well off, indeed probably wealthy and north of at p;east his mid-30s -- indeed was north of 30 when they met. In many respects though even then he seems like a pretty unattractive person. At that point he had a 12 year old daughter, who on its face had emotional problems. The letter writer was very happy to be the center of his attention, while he condescended to a once-a-week meal with the 12 year old. I'm sorry, but this does not paint a pretty picture of the letter writer, or the father.
Now it seems that after watching this for four years (and the neglect by the way was for at least 6 years) for some reason the father has decided (in a pretty half-assed way) to step up to the plate -- and the girlfriend is resentful -- wow! I am sorry, but the girl-friend also reminds me of people I know, unpleasant little gold-diggers, who attach themselves to wealthy men and women for what they can get (and by the way the men (usually) at issue pretty well deserve them.) Life is no longer a bed of roses or her so she is mad. Unfortunately, her replacement will almost certainly be someone just like her.
About the Nanny, I have very mixed views. She seems in many respects to have been a disaster, in that she has left the 16 year old with very limited life skills (but then we do not know what the child's state was at age 10 -- maybe she has done a good job from a bad start.) But even if she has not done a great job she has one key redeeming feature -- she obviously gives a shit about the 16 year old, which is something she clearly needs.
And by the way, a friend of mine just married a multi-year girlfriend, who spent many of those years helping two of his daughters deal with the emotional fallout of their very screwed up mother -- and not only does his family (and both sets of daughters love her), but everyone respects her for the role she took on in helping these kids sort out their lives. That was not an overnight process either -- it encompassed dropping out and going back to college, unsuitable boyfriends and everything else you could see as a problem, and a hell of a lot of patience on her part (the father can be exasperating too.)
