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I don't know why this letter is pushing my buttons so much.
There is no way that the LW is the sanest person around. You know why? She thought that it was no problem that her single dad boyfriend was never with his kid. It "worked" for them (or rather, allowed her to pretend that she was in a relationship with a guy with no responsibilities).
I totally disagree that this woman could be helpful to the girl. She holds her in contempt and views her as a burden. And she loves the neglectful asshole who abused this kid. Yeah, that's sane.