Site Presented By
Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
Cut the kid some slack! Yes, yes, the letter is pretentious, but have you ever tried to explain your situation to a bunch of strangers in a letter? Write it all down, try to make it clear and concise, edit it a little too much, and before you know it you sound like some bizarre-o, sitcom version of yourself. That's why our problems make more sense with a good friend and several beers.
Also, who out there sits down and thinks, "I'm totally below average intelligence." and tells everyone that? Judging from the parents I've met, every child out there is "exceptional" and gets told it all freakin' day! Is it any wonder most people think they are brighter than average? Yes, it is rude to say it out loud. Yes, she has been in grad school and read lots and lots of books and she can't help vomiting bits of them up all over the place. She'll get a job. It'll wear off. She'll suddenly get a grasp on the fact that there are huge piles of info she knows nothing about and be brought forcefully back down to earth. Don't worry about it.
Just a note for those people who love jumping on these threads to rail against trust-funded grad students; it's a myth. I'm sure there are some out there somewhere, but every student my husband and I ever interacted with were there on their own steam. Teaching Assistantships, Research Assistantships (the joy of working 60 hour weeks while getting paid for 20), student loans and pretty harsh budgeting are how most people get through grad school. Yes, we were/are very lucky to have the opportunity, but it isn't the fairy tale some make it out to be. As for the fly-over states having some shiny, simplified idilic version of romance, why is it that the lowest divorce rates are found amongst the vilified New England states? What with all of their liberal-elite, educational hooey, shouldn't they be drowning in broken relationships?
Now, let's all return to our normal thread of rancor, assumption and judgement.
In a year or two you'll look back on your life and ask yourself WTF was I thinking? Of all the men in all the world, you managed to stick yourself to a couple of losers/users/uncommitted/unrealized/men that you are trying to re-work into something you can't even describe. Live alone for a year or two and see if you can't figure something out. Anything. Are you such a loser that all these "intelligent" men will use you and leave you or are you just dreaming up these attributes and assigning them to the ones you got stuck with? Splash some cold water om your face and try to live with yourself first and then decide what you want in life and love.
She just needs some time to sail the yacht and experiment with mama's pills and then come back to these fellas for some three-way action. Then she'll write a memoir about the whole thing and end up on Oprah until its discovered that she made the whole thing up as a publicity stunt to sell more books.
Read goeswithness post again - it was worth repeating:
"It sounds like you struggle and struggle and sweat and push to try to make these relationships fit a mold - what you think they're supposed to be. And when they don't fit, you look for another mold to cram them into, or avoid the men completely. How about just letting them be what they're meant to be? Relationships do change, and sometimes they need to end, for awhile at least. If you don't feel any drive to be with a guy, you're not doing either of you any favors by hanging on.
Don't think in terms of "supposed to be" - in terms of who people are, what "intelligent people" are supposed to be like, what things are supposed to be like between people who had a good time one summer - things change. Think about the way they ARE."
As well - harlemita said this, which I thought was on point:
"Anyway, all I'm saying is: THIS IS THE OLDEST STORY IN THE WORLD. The question is not what you should do. The question is, are you going to let yourself be written into it by these two men, or are you going to write your own story by just getting past this, dropping both of these apparent (to me and probably to other readers) losers, and getting some self-awareness and maturity? What do you want from life? I haven't heard you say anything about a desperate need to be in a relationship because you need to have a baby within 3 years or something. Examine your goals. Do you need love? Do you need intellectual stimulation? Do you need a father to your children? Get real with yourself, then get real with your relationship to the world, and men."
Listen to these people.
The current boyfriend can't seem to figure out what to do with his life which is pathtic since someone just paid for 4 years of education for naught; the other one sounds like he's really into navel-gazing; and you? well, you need to stop being so caught up with everyone being so damn brilliant and intelligent...cuz, girlfriend, trust me when I tell you that intelligence has nothing to do with nothing when it comes to finding the right man.
Get your education, take your international service, and leave these two behind.
And since when did finding cures for diseases become burgie? What a snobbish thing to think - and say.
Basically, I agree with caraboo.
A smart, accomplished young woman who has goals and ambitions at age 25years has much time to sort out her personal life and should use the ensuing 5 years to "find herself" personally before committing to either of these two relationships or any new one at this time.
Work on achieving your own personal and professional growth before evaluating how others' achievements or lack of will impact your life.
Is it a sad thing that young people cannot have many friends and must live with one or the other instead, committing to a relationship while they learn about the other. This is not a moral judgement but, rather, a practical one. Choosing to actually live with another contains many responsibilities and committments and, yes, even impositions, and, then, one feels "stuck" in an uncomfortable situation.
Freedom. That's what I opt for at age 25 years, especially with a bright and ambitious future, but, really, for all. Neither one sounds "perfect" and neither does the writer. There will never be a "perfect" choice but one more p;erfect will come along when the writer is more perfect. There is much opportunity for personal growth while pursuing the career the writer describes she wants.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
219 Democrats and one Republican join in favor of the legislation, which passed by a narrow margin
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Salon headlines in your mailbox
