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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
I'm not in my 20's anymore!
I think perhaps Ellen DeGeneres, Robin Williams, or someone else as equally briliant is writing them.
P.S. My husband has a masters degree in Philosophy. It doesnt get you a cup of coffee.
The might-be-a-doctor-might-not guy will continue to change his direction every few months. Remember why you broke up with him. Yes, he's exciting but the day to day was tough. He WILL disappear again. You know he will.
The don't-like-philosophy philosophy student. Believe him. He hates the subject, that's why he didn't write the 20 page paper. At least he's admitted to himself that that course was wrong for him and he has to find the right course. Pushing him to finish that paper makes you part of the wrong course. If you don't want to be a part of the new course, you really should be separated from him.
Why don't you take a break from dating for a while? You have a lot to do soon, moving, starting the new program, and you're views are likely to change.
It's my experience that tedious people don't get less tedious.
Of course you're sad; that's what happens when you break up with someone. That you're sad doesn't mean that it was a mistake to break up with him. Why did you do it? Because tigers don't know if they like ice cream until they try every kind... because there's not a way to know if two people are compatible until they figure out that they aren't.
I'd be inclined to say you're doing the right thing in not getting back with your ex. The sort of person who puts other people down rarely changes. He may have decided for the moment that he was wrong to put you down for those traits in particular, but he'll come up with something new eventually.
this letter is a fake written by a teenage girl, albeit a good one.
I do kind of agree with some posters who mention the cultural differences between the graduate school/trust fund set and those who live in flyover America or small towns.
Most people, just as human beings have done for tens of thousands of years, find someone who lives close by to whom they are sexually attracted and who is available. Nature takes its course and they make the best of it, or possibly the worst of it.
The vast majority of problems in relationships are caused by alcohol and drugs, or just by immaturity and lack of commitment to making the relationship work. Children may act as a form of cement, or in weaker relationships as an additional stressor.
Not long ago a woman I supervise at work was clearly in an emotional state and had a facial bruise that was supposedly the result of slipping on a staircase. She asked me if her husband (also an employee) was working today, so clearly unaware of this whereabouts. She and he share 5 children, so one would think she would need his help domestically.
During the course of our conversation she said to me: You know, having F. at home is just like raising an extra child.
What does this have to do with the LW's dilemma, then? Not much, except to point out that all her troubles are little ones and that these boyfriends are just playthings.
There are millions of men out there. Millions. In fact there are nearly as many men as women, and as a woman of 25, she can date men of just about any age from 20 to 40, which gives her a huge range. Why choose one failed boyfriend over another? Why not look out for someone new?
don't take them so seriously, or yourself so seriously. This isn't a play, it isn't a film, it isn't an opera...it is just you. The same you that used to watch Buffy and Angel when you were a tweener, the same you that probably listened to boy bands when you were a kid. As one poster aptly put it, you are an identity waiting to happen. You like the drama and because you are immature you are more attracted to whomever has rejected you. It's textbook. Cultivate an identity, grow, stop pretending your life is a foreign film with an obscure soundtrack because it isn't. It's just you and you aren't very unusual or special, you are in your twenties. We all go through them and act like nitwits.
>a constant belief that I looked down on him and sought the affections of better men.
This? Sounds like he's on to something. Isn't that what you just did, causing the breakup? The tone of your letter quavers hilariously between pretentious claptrap and high school emotional drama - you need to apply your vaulting intelligence and work on that.
I also had one of those "genius" boyfriends who I thought was the love of my life, who eventually ended up scorning me, making "veiled put-downs" and then taking off to pursue his ambitions, and who then returned six months later to tell me he would "make it up to me" if I'd give him another chance. Of course I had a boyfriend at the time, but nobody who I considered special. My friends thought I was crazy not to take him back. But I figured he was motivated by feeling lonely, confused, and of course no human likes to think they lost something good. And I was that something good.
Just because he realized he'd lost something good, I reasoned, doesn't mean he was right for me and we should get back together. The put-downs. The lack of regard and respect for all that I'd done to help him. I remembered all that. That's not how I wanted to be treated by anyone. I had never treated a boyfriend who I wanted to break up with that way. A person's worst behavior is often an indication of what's really there, under the veneer. I did not take him back.
Of course I immediately got dumped by my other boyfriend! Irony! He dumped me in a bid to beat me to being dumped himself when he knew I was thinking about my ex's offer. I felt like I'd been bitten in the ass by ironic Fate. I felt like I was being punished -- you know, you get tired of someone, then someone gets tired of you. You reject someone, then someone rejects you. It seems to happen without fail, the balance of the goddam universe has to be maintained!
Anyway, all I'm saying is: THIS IS THE OLDEST STORY IN THE WORLD. The question is not what you should do. The question is, are you going to let yourself be written into it by these two men, or are you going to write your own story by just getting past this, dropping both of these apparent (to me and probably to other readers) losers, and getting some self-awareness and maturity? What do you want from life? I haven't heard you say anything about a desperate need to be in a relationship because you need to have a baby within 3 years or something. Examine your goals. Do you need love? Do you need intellectual stimulation? Do you need a father to your children? Get real with yourself, then get real with your relationship to the world, and men.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Once seen as a lunatic fringe, reactionary anti-women groups are courting respectability
Salon headlines in your mailbox
