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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
Letterwriters like this one make me yearn for a reinstatement of the draft. I'd love to see this self-absorbed, pretentious dingbat meditate on her love choices while dodging IEDs.
I just cant get past how often the LW mentioned how brilliant she and the men are. What a burden to be so clever in a world of dolts.
Ya know, if you think you are 'really smart' you start to presume that whatever you want to do is 'right' because you are so 'smart'. You don't question your own decisions because you're too smart to let emotion cloud your smartiness. "Good people" do this all the time - they do wrong or stupid things, knowing that they are 'right' because, after all, they are good people.
Probably none of the three has missed out on the love of their life. None of them seems to be anywhere near the point of settling down, as all are finding themselves. It's a non-problem, IMO. Just don't make a fetish out of dreaming of what might-have-been. The LW wasn't happy before, she isn't happy now, but at least she's free (which is good - she's leaving country, no?)
I hope I can be well off enough someday so my kids have the luxory of finding themselves.
set in during the dot.com boom, I wondered why. I studied people young and old to see what inherent superior value younger people could possibly have. Now, at 50, I have come to the conclusion that people under 30, while more attractive in a highly fertile kind of way, are virtually bereft of depth, intrigue or unique view points. This woman is an identity waiting to happen. Nothing more. Nothing less.
I hope she A. realizes this and B. focuses on nurturing her own interests. I won't even bother to slag her for falling prey to the search for identity through romantic relationships. It's the mistake almost all we woman are doomed to make.
What I have learned over time is that we can form strong emotional attachments to just about anyone we share time and space with, especially if there is an element of physical attraction thrown in there. Does that mean we can sustain nurturing long-term emotional links with everyone with whom we form a bond? Hell no. Usually the first year of relationships is all about finding out—is this a flash in the pan? Or is this link harmonized enough to go the distance? Deep rooted conflicts between two people who like each other do not usually become apparent immediately. Only over time, once many sacrifices and compromises have been made are we able to ascertain the answer to the question—am I able and gladly willing to comprise on some of my hopes desires dreams for the sake of “us?” It is a tough thing to align your fate with someone else; and to accept that you are playing such an integral role in the way destiny plays out in someone else’s life.
If an emotional bond was formed, the pain of separation is a given. Whether the ensuing pain from a separation has its origins in an injured ego, hurt pride, comfortable habits obliterated, or truly is matter of the heart, or perhaps a mixture of all of that it does not matter-- either way, pain is a given. But is the pain of separation an indication that two people were right for each other after all? Are you kidding? What is an indicator of whether two people were right for each other is how they interacted when they were together, not how much pain they feel when they are apart.
I always find it interesting to see the level of hostility which develops in the comments at Salon, especially for Cary's columns. It seems that so many readers have no tolerance for any personal flaws in a forum which is, so far as I can tell, about asking advice to get on the path towards personal growth. As for this particular LW, it appears that the sins of herself and her ex have been transferred onto all of the hundreds of thousands of people who have gone to Burning Man over the years.
I'm a regular attendee, having gone 7 years now. From my experience, I can say that the community has a lot of the same problems as the broader society, but it also has some unique characteristics which keep me coming back. I'll grant that verbiage on the BM website has a whiff of cultishness to it, but it's really not too different from the self-mythologizing which any artistic endeavor engages in. Once you get to the playa, it fades into the background and you can go on to have whatever kind of week you want.
The LW's ex went to the desert and had a spiritual experience which she couldn't relate to or respect. To me, that points more to their incompatibility than to the rightness or wrongness of his path. He had a revelation of sorts and he needed to test it. He's finished now, and prepared to continue on with what he was doing before. He has probably grown a lot from the experience -- I'm sure it will inform his philosophy going forward, and that it has made him a richer person.
-Chris (Hookahdome)
@caraboo
"Why would a smart, accomplished, focused woman always need to be in a relationship?"
because humans are social animals. because sex and love and passion are fun and just a few of the things that make life great (drugs are another). because masturbation gets boring. because ______ . any more dumb questions you need answered? need me to tell you why eliot spitzer risked everything for some outside vagina, too? three cats, your boring career, and the complete SATC dvd collection don't cut it for all of us, you realize.
dear LW:
i'm the same age as you and i was in a similar situation as dude #2. i was w/ someone, she still pined for her ex (who dumped her), then she dumped me because she wasn't over him. aaaaand, i'm pretty sure there isn't a day that goes by where she thinks of me. probably doesn't even remember my name. what's my point here? oh yeah, life sucks, then you die, then you're forgotten.
listen, other people have already said this, but you seem extremely full of yourself. and maybe you poop big ripe strawberries--anything is possible, right? (which i'm sure your mom told you every day growing up, along w/ "you can be anything you want to be!")--and so perhaps any sort of criticism or advice on you will be lost. so instead, i'm going to recommend a movie: vicky, christina, barcelona. and pay special attention to scarlett johansson's character.
as far as liberals being navel-gazing bores: tragically, it's kind of true. in general. i'm sure we're all exceptions to that rule, but still. i'm as liberal as it gets, but my ideological brethren do tend to grate on my nerves w/ the unabashed solipsism. and viewing everything, particularly love and sex, through a political prism is really one of the worst things ever to happen to sociology. human behavior is messy, confounding, strange, and illogical. despite opposable thumbs and the neocortex, we still behave in often base, self-centered ways (which is at odds w/ our social nature; see, it's confounding). we know better, yet we still act like assholes. funny, that.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Once seen as a lunatic fringe, reactionary anti-women groups are courting respectability
Salon headlines in your mailbox
