Very eloquent and true. That seems to be my main annoyance with Salon and the wider left-wing community I consider myself a part of. Some people are so obsessed with a progressive lifestyle they abandon any 'traditional' or 'simplistic' or 'backward' notions and habits, failing to see any possible positive qualities in them that exist. So goes the letter writer.

...we should start working on the cures for arrogance and pretension.

I myself was in a stereotypical liberal academic environment - and found myself tired of having to listen to my peers drone on and on about their neuroses, insecurities etc. which would sabotage any meaningful romantic relationship they entered.

Do they like the same books as me? How can I care for someone who places Radiohead above Yo La Tengo? Are they too centrist for me? Why are they only pesco-vegan and not full vegan? Are they too ambitious for me? Not ambitious enough? Can they make me happy? Or sad when I need the appropriate motivation? Yada Yada yada...

Good grief!

THEN: I moved for work to a smaller town in the Snow Belt. Not a rural area, but a city quite a bit smaller than, say, Chicago.

AND guess what? To my utter surprise, I found that EVERYONE here - whether liberal, center or conservative - had a much simpler take on love! They were not encumbered by all the "Sex and the City" type insecurities. Commitment was not a four letter word - either to women or men.

Young adults here realize you can lead fulfiling lives and be in a relatively uncomplicated romantic relationship..without ending up codependent or smothered. And instead of obsessing whether their boyfriend/girlfriend is right for them, they enter into relationships with someone they fancy, and both enjoy the highs and try to work through the lows.

Love = simple. It's enough to make Ockham cry! =)

Nothing changes.

Mr. Philosophy is out because you are 25 and didn't wanna do it with him. If it isn't there at 25, forget about it after a couple of kids, etc.

Can't work up any passion about Mr X? Had an emotional affair and was happy to leave it at that? Forget about him also.

Unless you can find some guy that brings out your animal spirits, just focus on your career. There's too much drama and not enough lust in this adventure.

And you are no princess. You seem to be trying very hard to become a soap opera.

1. Guy #1 disappoints you and leaves for China; 2. Guy #2 disappoints you by watching the Simpsons; 3. Guy #1 returns and you like him again; 4. Guy #2 leaves you; 5. All of a sudden, you like Guy #2 again.

Better Approach: To heck with these guys! Become something yourself. Do you realize that you will be very lucky to get into a position where you even have a chance to help the Third World, or whatever it was you wrote? (That part was the silly immature part that all these posters are complaining about.)

Work for that chance, and let Guys #3 through #Infinity vie for you.

as "highly intelligent" is probably not.

When I was 25, I was terrified of being alone, although that is what I truly needed in order to grow up. I needed to find out who I really was- in relation to myself. I needed to find out what empty spaces I had inside, and how to fill them for myself. I was terrified of the thought of not having a boyfriend, an audience.

I hear in your letter the desire to be good, and to do good, and to do it with a partner. None of these is a bad thing. All are good and normal and natural. But I also hear you blaming the people YOU choose for not being what you want them to be. But you chose them.

Perhaps you should take a step back, and get to know yourself for a while. Then perhaps you'll be ready to choose someone appropriate for you, and be ready and willing to accept them for who they are. If you choose someone appropriate, that shouldn't be as difficult.

And, those two or three days of down aloofness... those aren't the boyfriend's fault, or the ex-boyfriend's fault, or anyone's fault. Two or three days of being down and aloof is your issue. I also would think that any person would not be thrilled to deal with you after three days of being hidden from and then blamed for it.

Taking responsibility for one's own self and one's own happiness is really fucking hard. It sucks. It means that it all depends on you. It's all you. But really, it's already been that way. It's already been all about you, at least in your own mind. So why not just admit it and do what you need to do?

I am!

uhoh, wait a minute...

Well said. In three words.

Neither one.

really.

as you get older you'll figure it out. unfortunately, by then you won't be young anymore. but at least you'll have figured it out.

Both lads sound fine and have narrowly escaped with their souls intact.

No matter how highly intelligent, idealistic or motivated you are, pop music has been there first and better. Rather than write a long, indulgent narrative to Cary, why not get your head out of your ass and get out those old LPs? Much more poetic, much less serious, and far more fun. You're 25. Nothing you do is going to matter.

Did you ever have to make up your mind?

Pick up on one and leave the other one behind

It's not often easy, and not often kind

Did you ever have to make up your mind?

Did you ever have to finally decide?

Say yes to one and let the other one ride

There's so many changes, and tears you must hide

Did you ever have to finally decide?

Sometimes there's one with deep blue eyes, cute as a bunny

With hair down to here, and plenty of money

And just when you think she's that one in the world

Your heart gets stolen by some mousy little girl

And then you know you better make up your mind

Pick up on one and leave the other one behind

It's not often easy, and not often kind

Did you ever have to make up your mind?

Sometimes you really dig a girl the moment you kiss her

And then you get distracted by her older sister

When in walks her father and takes you in line

And says "Better go home, son, and make up your mind."

Then you bet you'd better finally decide!

And say yes to one and let the other one ride

There's so many changes, and tears you must hide

Did you ever have to finally decide?