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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
Smart people are so daft.
Neither guy is the right guy! The guy who moved out knew what was up and saved himself, you didn't think he was good enough for you and he knew it. You miss him because he was around for a long time but if he came back you'd get bored and frustrated again that he's not getting his masters and sits around watching the Simpsons. Plus sexless in a year, not a good sign anyway.
Now the man who returned from China, well if he's about to enter medical school then do a residency he's going to have slim time to rebuild a broken relationship, so maintain him as a friend but go out and live your single life for a while.
You're about to move away for a program, leave both these guys behind and keep the fond memories and what you liked and didn't like. There will be new guys in grad school and your new town.
Being smart, being interested in helping other people doesn't mean you are going to never hurt people. People's hearts get broken, being smart and well meaning doesn't mean you make the right choices all the time.
X spent a year in rural China teaching English?
Came back "invigorated" did he?
I know the feeling; being awash in hot young females is very invigorating for a man.
He is ruined as far as western females are concerned.
The only reason he is looking up his old flame(LW) is that he has returned to the dried-up men's penal colony affectionately known as America. He is disoriented by the sexual disparities and needs some action soon.
Unless the LW is asian, she is history with this guy. He will run off with the first asian grad chick he can find, or simply return to Asia next time he gets the chance.
neither one of them is really right for you. You're twenty-five. Move on.
Of course you feel bad for hurting people, and that's a good thing. But it's for the best. Both of them deserve someone who adores them, just as you do.
I guarantee you that in three years you won't even believe you wrote this letter.
Everyone, do yourselves a favor and click "Read Metadet's other letters."
I kind of wish I hadn't.
The few times I agreed with a point, I got sucked into his bitter negativity.
Yes, the majority of grad students are from affluent families, but not all of us are. It seems silly to look down on people who are pursuing graduate studies simply because you assume anyone who is doing so must be rich or pretentious.
and:
I'm not sure of the logic that equates graduate student with trust fund baby. Perhaps that is true in some cases, but most of the graduate students I know and have known are or were not independently wealthy. In fact, they usually struggle to feed themselves and make the rent.
I think it was me who first mentioned trust funds in this thread. OK, maybe I mis-spoke, but what I was really meaning was that the attitude of many of the confused graduate students who write in to Cary suggests a lack of familiarity with the working world, that in turn suggests that probably they have a financially supportive family.
The philosophy student who has swapped his love of knowledge for a life of watching TV cartoons versus the guy who hasn't yet entered medical school. This is what I am talking about. If she wants to marry a doctor of infectious diseases, why not look for a ready-made one? They are everywhere. Try your local teaching hospital.
I also agree with metadet. The earlier boyfriend was probably bonked silly during his time in China. Like the missionaries who went to Hawaii to do good and did right well, I am sure that after his humanitarian work in China, he will never settle for the charms of the LW now that he knows the world is his oyster.
It's true, not all grad students are rich. Many are poor as church mice, as the saying goes. Some of them are even pretty cool to be around. But, and here I speak from experience, as I am swimming in an ocean of grad students, many are, by and large, among the most obnoxious, self-important, arrogant, self-regarding, precious, special, selfish little pricks on the planet. Rich or poor doesn't make much difference.
...sound awful.
That's what this woman is doing. Highly intelligent people do not describe themselves as highly intelligent. Especially when they are acting stupid. She just wants to run on at the mouth about how too many men are in love with her. This is a very common problem of people who are either young and inexperienced, don't set proper boundaries, or for whatever reason choose to live their lives in an emotionally sloppy way. She's 25 and unmarried, so she can do what she wants. But the pretentiousness (Burning Man? Oh, PLEEEEAASE) and the falseness of her pretending this really bothers her scalds the eyeballs.
Dear metadet,
Fuck you.
Imagine for a minute that someone wrote in, "Dear American guy, don't even think you have a chance in dating, because there is a whole continent of better-looking/richer/taller/stronger/cooler/more-successful guys out there than you, and once a women has experienced that, she will never go back to the emprisoning wasteland that is 'you' or your kind."
That is literally what you just wrote.
Or how about, "Dear black guy, don't even think you have a chance in dating, because once that woman has experienced dating a white man she wouldn't want to be with a black man again. Maybe she will come to your city and date a white guy, or if you are white maybe you have a chance, but otherwise no."
What is wrong with you? Why on Earth would you write something like that in a public forum?
American women are *human beings.* Worth no more or less, as a whole, than Asian women, as a whole. Fortunately there are a lot of people out there who can see that. And there are many American men who can and do marry American women (or French women, or African women, or other non-Asian women) who aren't worse off for it.
-V
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