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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
That IS annoying. Let's be honest and admit, tho, that it's not exclusive to the left side of the aisle. Conservatives often refuse to date people who don't go to the right church, don't vote right, don't attend the right rallies. etc. We all do it, try to find someone with shared values, we all often can't see the forest for the trees.
Who has time to listen to your whimpering? I for one don't. I have a real job...and a life...and neither permits my spending the amount of time it would take to carefully read all of this...whimpering. Espcecially when all any of us readers wants to do, really, is to fire off some quick, witty, terribly appropriate and insightful response.
So here it is... when you spend lots of time pining for your "ex" and your current boyfriend subsequently walks out the door, what you have actually is TWO ex-es, not just one. That's 2 relationships you've messed up because of your...well...whimpering. Stop writing long letters to advice columnists, stop wringing your hands about your boyfriends, and start paying real attention to at least one boyfriend, or you will surely end up boyfriend-less.
But I don't get why the Simpsons-watching boyfriend is 'highly dependable.' Is it because you always know what channel he's on?
I like the Burning Man/China-going boyfriend better. Next time, follow him on one of his adventures. At least he does stuff, which is always better than not doing stuff. Or, I should say, when you're 25 it's better.
there's the 2-year old tendancy to only want the toy the other baby has and to lose interest as soon as it's your's.
As otheres mentioned the stupid aggorance of self-identifying as "highly intellegent"
The whole irresponsible living with new BFs that distorts your sense of self, committment and expectation.
But most annoying is the choising BFs based on their career prospects and the inability to be alone.
is your soul mate the one who showers you with veiled insults?
Okay, I don't really know the letter writer, but I know people a lot like her.
One in particular. Also highly intelligent, artsy, wanting to help people. Her relationship pattern was extremely predictable. First, fall in love with someone who partially paid back the attention in kind but was for some reason unattainable. Then, when that other person said "yes, this is the relationship I want and am committed to making happen" she would begin to lose interest.
Why? I dunno. I tried to figure it out many times. 3 times over a period of 5 years I was the person she fell for, then lost interest in. We even lived together for 4 months at one point. I did learn my lesson - and walked out the 3rd time before it really began.
She's doing well now, over 20 years later, with a respected career. But no long-term relationship, no children (which she wanted), and a long history of returning back to the one man who always treated her like dirt and only wanted to be with her when there was no other woman around who he could play with.
Sad. I don't know the solution. But the one thing she never could do was recognize her relationship pattern that all her friends saw. Perhaps the LW can avoid such an unhappy ending if she recognizes her own pattern and can move on. I do suggest that neither of the men in her life is the "one" for her. I also suggest that until she understands exactly what it is she's looking for she's not going to find it.
The letter writer obviously has a very high opinion of herself and I have to wonder if what really bothers her about the most recent relationship ending is that it was done on his terms rather than hers.
"Those actions backfired harshly when his jealousy became a gripping anxiety, a constant belief that I looked down on him and sought the affections of better men."
That's because you did. You were bored, the love was dying and you wanted to break up with him.
If you pushed him away until he moved out, it was a pretty ugly situation you helped create. He didn't leave "out of the blue" - one or both of you was avoiding confrontation or refusing to pay attention.
"That this broke my heart is almost appalling to me, because I just know that he and I are not right for one another."
As Cary points out, breakups hurt even if they were necessary and what you wanted.
You seem to resent that feeling guilty, but if you treated your boyfriend as your ex treated you, your guilt is based from understanding how unfair it was.
What Cary won't say is you need to get over yourself a bit and learn from this.
The letter reads a bit like you want to blame something else besides yourself. Self-justification is not the issue. Breakups happen and quite often there's no right side. It's going to hurt but then it won't.
Instead of trying to find blame, think about what you learned about yourself and your likes and dislikes. This might help you be more honest about compatibility before you choose to live with someone.
Also, if you live with someone and are aloof towards them for more than two or three days, they are going to feel hurt. Getting the cold shoulder from the person you live with can be very upsetting. It sounds like you put your feelings first and made him feel bad for feeling otherwise.
People take the time to read these letters and compose, mostly, thoughtful and sometimes clever and sometimes lovely responses. Great people! I'd love to meet most of you!
Cary, why are you posting fake letters? Oh yes, they ARE fictitious! So many of your letters follow the same pattern: a flawed, not sympathetic, or even distasteful letter writer, a writer who can't come to the point until the last paragraph or who fails outright to ask a question, and some O. Henry-type of detail near the end to keep the responses lively and divided. Or it's a problem that's completely off the wall. I guess you're mocking us with the off-the-wall letters. What, you can't respond to real letters? Or do real letters limit your ability to display your talents?
If this is a farce, you should either acknowledge it, or it should end.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
219 Democrats and one Republican join in favor of the legislation, which passed by a narrow margin
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Salon headlines in your mailbox
