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It sounds like you struggle and struggle and sweat and push to try to make these relationships fit a mold - what you think they're supposed to be. And when they don't fit, you look for another mold to cram them into, or avoid the men completely. How about just letting them be what they're meant to be? Relationships do change, and sometimes they need to end, for awhile at least. If you don't feel any drive to be with a guy, you're not doing either of you any favors by hanging on.
Don't think in terms of "supposed to be" - in terms of who people are, what "intelligent people" are supposed to be like, what things are supposed to be like between people who had a good time one summer - things change. Think about the way they ARE.
