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Read other letters about this article
Okay, I don't really know the letter writer, but I know people a lot like her.
One in particular. Also highly intelligent, artsy, wanting to help people. Her relationship pattern was extremely predictable. First, fall in love with someone who partially paid back the attention in kind but was for some reason unattainable. Then, when that other person said "yes, this is the relationship I want and am committed to making happen" she would begin to lose interest.
Why? I dunno. I tried to figure it out many times. 3 times over a period of 5 years I was the person she fell for, then lost interest in. We even lived together for 4 months at one point. I did learn my lesson - and walked out the 3rd time before it really began.
She's doing well now, over 20 years later, with a respected career. But no long-term relationship, no children (which she wanted), and a long history of returning back to the one man who always treated her like dirt and only wanted to be with her when there was no other woman around who he could play with.
Sad. I don't know the solution. But the one thing she never could do was recognize her relationship pattern that all her friends saw. Perhaps the LW can avoid such an unhappy ending if she recognizes her own pattern and can move on. I do suggest that neither of the men in her life is the "one" for her. I also suggest that until she understands exactly what it is she's looking for she's not going to find it.
