Natty-J, there has to be a skewer of truth in something that hilarious, thank you for the laugh. Plus the Brightstar posts. Reading this column and its letters has its rewards!

This dude may be attracted to you physically, because maybe you got it going on, but he probably received a disturbing glimpse of your inside and realized that beauty is only skin deep in your case. Translation---he likes your shell, but not the guts. You have nil commitment, decency, or care in this instant. You want this all to happen, but the boyfriend and your apparent living situation doesn't seem to be important. If you're unhappy with who you are with, why don't you cut the guy loose and save him from your eventual hurt, bullshit, and infidelity that can only come of your stupid and selfish actions. Newsflash too...if you decide to live with your significant other..it is a sign of some level of commitment. You're choosing to live with no other but that person. Which he mostly likely understands this concept and is trying to be respectful of it. Plus, you sound like you may be the psycho, rabbit killing chick who can't let him go, so he's backed off. The guy was interested. He found out that you're with someone else. He backed off for a...wait for it...REASON. Unlike you, he doesn't want to involve himself in a situation that goes no where, and will only create chaos and a ridiculous amount of heightened drama--all for the sake of your precious ego. Yeah, you're a charmer alright. By the way, to feed your ego you mention that he doesn't like your boyfriend due to jealousy blah, blah, blah. More than likely, he's simply uncomfortable around him because it might be hard to resist telling the poor fool what a dumbass he has for a girlfriend, and what's in store for him from said dumbass girlfriend because she's a selfish, heartless twit. Outside of a physical attraction, it's clear that he's fighting the good fight because he sees you for what you are and knows it wouldn't be worth it ultimately. Leave him alone succubus. Ply your wares on some other poor fool, although it might behoove you to figure out why you're contemplating cheating despite your current attachment. That's just a logical thought however. I wouldn't expect you to be able to understand, what with that massive ego taking up most of your brain matter.

I think LW should lay it all to her live-in BF and discover his thoughts.

Might be illuminating.

The simplest explanation is often the best. In this case, the LW should worry more about why she was willing to cheat on or leave her current partner for someone she barely knew and then concentrate on why she constructs elaborate, fictionalized romances.

Let me see....attracted to someone you saw on the train; nothing to say when you're together; nothing in a chat he'd want on his computer screen, though friendly enough with others.....

Be grateul he's sensible enough to protect you from finding out what "more" is there because it's less than you seem to want. Unless you just want to have sex with a guy on the train.

I can feel sorry for the LW, because she's obviously one of those terribly insecure people who needs affirmation from every member of the opposite sex. She might ask herself how she's going to feel when she's 50 and most men on the train fail to find her attractive. Her job is to work on that critically low self-esteem, not find another partner.

I'm a little baffled by Cary's advice--meet train guy again? WHY? To what purpose? He's not a dear friend. Train guy is a near stranger who has very patiently put up with her badmouthing her current BF day in and day out, and as a nice kind hearted soul he has tried to give support short of actually telling her to leave him (so he says things like, oh, I don't think I'd like him). But, as one poster wrote, he has 'crossed her off his list' in terms of a relationship and probably for friendship too. I agree with the others that a meeting will just feed the drama--rather pointlessly, I may add.

Advice: constantly trashing/complaining about your current or ex partner is a very unattractive behavior in the eyes of everybody, including friends and new partners. Just don't do it, even if your ex was a real toad. And if you're still with him? It looks even worse.

She needs to back off and ask why she is so unhappy in her current relationship. Maybe she needs to leave it. Some women cannot leave until they have prepared a landing pad somewhere else. The LW doesn't need to be one of them, but she has to be able to think about the real issues first, and she seems far from doing so. In the meantime, she just needs to leave the guy on the train alone.

I almost feel sorry for her but not quite--if she's an adult working woman she should know better.

that would be the best thing to do

... of myself when I was married to the wrong person. I was continuously inventing romances like this, looking for some excitement. You need to cut this crap out. It's a distraction from the fact that you are not happy with the person you are with. Get counseling. Figure out what you need, and find a relationship where you can ask for, and get, what you need. If the one you are in can't deliver, get out. I never believed I could be faithful, but here I am. Happy, and monogamous.

I mean I don't see what is so complicated here.

1.) She assumes sexual tension with this train man, but the assumption seems to be totally on her part. She never quotes him saying he was attracted to her.

2.) She asks this man for coffee and the date is a dud. He says he doesn't like her live-in even though he hasn't met him. She ASSUMES jealousy on his part. Could it be that she talked about the live-in with him, and he didn't like what he heard?

3.) Here's the biggest point of all. THE COFFEE DATE WAS A DUD. Even she admits that. There could be many reasons for this. Maybe outside the train setting, the "magic" just wasn't there. Maybe he picked up on her attachment to the live-in. There could be a hundred other reasons.

4.) After that coffee date he has kept her at arm's length. He is not overtly cool to her, he tries to be cordial, but he is obviously not into her anymore.

5.) Which why Cary's advice might not even work. I doubt he will go out with her again even for coffee. And why should he? He's done everything he can do to be kind to her and still let her know that the attraction is over, or at least will not be acted upon by him.

6.) I know you are disappointed LW, but you know exactly that the great "love" affair is over for a very long time. Let the poor guy get over his divorce, take stock of your relationship with your live-in and move on.

And try to sit in another train car from time to time.