Oh for heaven's sake.

He likes you.

You are unavailable.

He is disappointed.

You continue to press the issue, even though you know you're unavailable.

He withdraws from you to protect himself.

When you have a crush on someone, it is very easy to see their actions through a filter of your own wishful thinking -- especially if those actions involve heavy flirtation. He knows that he will do just that, so he is backing up to keep himself from daydreaming and seeing things that aren't there.

Let him protect himself, for pete's sake. If it spoils your fun, well that's the price you have to pay for allowing someone else the space they need to work things out for themselves.

Things don't always work out the way you want. Its a bitter pill, but that's the world.

Jesus Christ, lady, you need a primer on human interaction. You have so much delusion here, abetted by Cary unfortunately, that I don't know where to begin.

Let's review:

1. He discovered you weren't available, so he backed off. The decent thing.

2. He has become "more reserved" because he is backing off. 3. Again, he is backing off because you are with someone. Get it?

4. Do not ascribe jealousy (or any other emotion) to a person just because it's what you want to believe.

5. If he has close friends around, then he is not isolated.

6. He did not avoid your email question. He answered it. You just didn't like the answer.

7. Finally, it's "not good for your ego" to be foiled in your attempts to cheat??! Are you serious?

Maybe he's not looking for any drama, given that his marriage just broke up. Maybe your absolute apathy toward your partner marks you as a messy individual.

And I vehemently disagree with Cary's take here. I can think of nothing more controlling and disrespectful than making someone promise not to speak during a conversation. I wouldn't take too kindly to being muzzled in that way, especially if it's my behavior under discussion.

LW, he is no longer that in to you. Leave him alone. Stop with the emails. Ride in a different car. Let it go for god's sake. And please, dear god, do not take Cary's craven advice. Just go away and get over it already.

If the writer is not available, why bother finding out where this is going. Friendship is not the question as there is no basis for a friendship. There is only an attraction and an awkward relationship.

Drop it. Read the newspaper. Be polite. Let it go.

grow up. please.

or whatever

My god, you're not married, and it sounds like this man has sparked your interest more so than the man you're living with. It's OK to break up and pursue Train Man. Is that what you want to do? If so, do it!

Living with someone doesn't mean you're committed until death do you part. If you want to change partners, you can, but you need to be the one to initiate it, because you're the one who is currently "taken", so you're going to have to be the one to make it obvious to the new man that you're not as taken as he thinks you are.

and the fantasy of "taking it further."

not good for her ego??? good god. it's ALL about her ego.

Poor guy.

Dear LW.

Why are you trying to draw this man into your weird little drama? He has respectfully backed off because YOU ARE LIVING WITH SOMEONE and no man in his right mind ... or, should I say, no man worth his weight ... would willingly continue to flirt and have coffee with you. So you have now discovered something about both him, and about yourself. He is not only cute and attractive, he's also a decent person. You, meanwhile, are intent on crazy making for no good reason.

who cares...just do it

I want to spank the LW

and boring to boot. You're ascribing too much importance in the life and the inner-workings of another human being.

It reminds me of when I was in college and I would sit around with my girlfriends and scrutinize every possible meaning and permutation of a two-minute shitty phone call with a guy I was "seeing." And really, there was no meaning at all.

There's just nothing here. The more you try to figure him out, the more you'll drive yourself crazy. Don't worry about what's going on in his head. He sounds like a dud anyway.

so thats what this is about?

Get a grip and give the man some respect for his apropriate handling of the situation.

Believe it or not its not all about your need for adulation.At least one other person recognizes there's a third party involved.

One assumes that 'living with somebody' that train guy would be jealous of implies a relationship beyond 'roommate'.

Has LW mentioned to her live in that she's interested and intending to sleep around? Mayhaps they have not discussed fidelity, but in the interest of honesty, LW ought to come clean to live in person now. If he's OK w/open relationship, she can tell train guy and see how he feels. But as it is, Train guy is the sane one, avoiding a high drama situation which could result with LW on his doorstep with suitcase and toothbrush in tow.

Long story shot - LW needs to sort out relationship with live in guy before starting a new sexual relationship.

but you know that!

What exactly is the problem? This seems to be a fantasy drama existing entirely in the LW's mind. The awkward lunch with nothing to say is a clear indication of how a relationship between the LW and the man on the train would go.

She should leave her live-in lover since she is apparently not that into him. But as for the train man?

Cest la vie. That ship has sailed.

You're in a relationship, but you demanded to know where you stood with this guy? Why? What the hell is wrong with you?

Okay, let me translate: "I'm trying to get this recently divorced guy to help me cheat, but he's resisting for some reason. I've tried to chat him up but the more aggressive I am the less he seems into me. Help?"

Okay, I will help you. Go out back and find a dumpster and climb in it. Wear tough clothing to protect yourself from broken glass. Don't close the lid. Sit there in the dumpster and let the rain fall on your head until you get a clue.