For serious, one of your best pieces of advice.

Good luck to LW in the relationship and with the career.

Duh!

You can find another job (even in this economy).

If you choose a chance at love over a restaurant job, you will not regret it (even if it doesn't work out.)

If you choose a restaurant job over the chance at love, you will always regret it.

Good luck!

It seems very dangerous for staff to be romancing each other in a restaurant, because they ought to be flirting with the customers.

Also, if things go wrong, there are a lot of sharp knives lying around. So I fully understand where management is coming from. If a cocktail waitress is getting it on with a master butcher, one can imagine the carnage that might ensue if she gave him the chop, even if it was just desserts. (I have also seen machetes used to decapitate coconuts to make pina coladas.)

I think Cary's advice is good, but I think I would wait until one of two things happens:

1. The relationship comes to a natural end.

2. You are detected.

In the case of 2. it is unlikely that both will be fired simultaneously, not if he is useful to the business. I think you will be given a chance to jump ship before it comes to that. As you say, the money is good!

Worst case scenario is:

3. It comes to a natural end and he takes up with the new salad sous-chef. You are immediately faced with an ethical dilemma as to whether you should out him to top management and get him fired for getting his fresh greens contrary to company policy. Please, whatever you do, do not dump a pot of hot rice in his lap, a traditional way of celebrating the end of a relationship in some cultures.

The letter writer says they had sex once after "after many days of just hanging out and talking, getting to know one another". Does that mean their relationship has only been going on for a few days? If so, then I think the letter writer should refrain from acting rashly.

I realize that a "relationship of a lifetime" has to begin somewhere. But letter writer not should not get her (or his) hopes up until she (or he) gets to know the other person a lot better. In my opinion, it's just too early to tell if he's worth the risk.

~

Maybe sit on the beds edge all night and ponder?

Try to Not toss bowls of chicken rice noodle soup?

If after 30- years of horrible sex-life, dump soup?

If too much time passes with No good satisfaction,

ask Cary Tennis to sell Ya the cute looking red hat.

Hope. Go walk in dazes. Any town? A better friend.

A better pal or a friendly puppy dog may be found.

I mean, come on. The staff at a restaurant sleeping together? Whoever heard of such of thing?

I've been in the service industry too long myself. But I still love me some waitresses. Lord loves a working girl.

See this recent story: http://tinyurl.com/g9hzc

Cary says: "This isn't the job of a lifetime. But it may be the relationship of a lifetime. So I would say, value the relationship over the job."

Too right-- LW, you can find another job. This might actually be the opportunity to liberate yourself from this kind of job... and to enjoy a wonderful guy. Have fun!

There is a lot that we don't know about this situation, and a lot that the LW doesn't know about this situation. Thus, I'd advise extreme caution in making any decisions at this point. Why?

1. It sounds like this relationship is very new. I have seen nothing in the LW's letter that indicates that she or the manager know each other very well. Making a major decision based on such a short acquaintance would be silly at this point.

2. While this manager says that he has never involved himself with another co-worker, the LW has no way of knowing this is true. I also know that the LW is an adult and responsible for her own actions, but I admit to wondering if the manager is at all concerned about the risks to her career as well as his own. I hope that the LW's concern is a two-way street.

3. Assuming that these two decide to pursue a relationship, I would indeed agree that one of them ought to leave their place of employment: "Secret" relationships are inherently stressful and leave a LOT of room for misunderstandings and misbehavior. Frankly, if I were the LW, I wouldn't tolerate a secret relationship for more than a month or two.

Let's see....best case, true love. Worst case, you get out of the service industry, like you already planned.

I think the secrecy is good for the incipient relationship, and would continue going this route. You get a lot of the benefits of an affair without the icky betrayal part.

For all you know, your employer really has a "don't ask/don't tell" policy and has no interest in enforcing any rules unless it is thrown in its face. Frankly, any firm needs a policy regarding sex between employees at different levels -- but they don't need to go around and vigorously try to catch people in violation.

But, sure you run the risk of losing your job. Accept it and see how it works out.

I was a waitress when I was in college, and I got in the habit of going home with the restaurant owner's son after my weekend shift. Neither of us took it seriously, and it was lots of fun. Sometimes we'd go to the restaurant hours after it closed and make ourselves some shrimp scampi. Thanks for bringing back an old memory.

I worked in the service industry for thirteen years in a row. The one time I did start up a realationsip with another employee I was eventually fired . It happened right after the guy I was dating was promoted to management . When I asked what I was being fired for the only answer given was "I think you know" , well I didn't really. I strongly sensed that the guy I was dating decided once he was promoted that he wanted to be able to "play the field" with his new found step up in the service industry. In all the resturants and bars that I worked in there was always a waitress dating the management ; but the relationship only worked out once that I know of. Most of the time , the guy would dump her and move on the another ; newer waitress.

I hope it works out for you , but try and hold back on fully investing your emotions on this person .

peace

peaches