Grad school can wait while the boyfriend gets through this tough time. But no matter what happens--and anything can happen, from the relationship failing under the stress of his grief all the way to this experience making you a stronger couple with him loving you beyond words for what you did in this time and all points in between--you will never live it down if you abandon him now. If will be your Big Regret.

for a guy you knew for only a few months? Stupid stupid stupid.

Reapply and get the hell out of there.

You love someone deeply who is pushing you away during a time of serious difficulty. This is devastating, and yet, he is giving you a gift: he is showing you how he will behave emotionally in the relationship whenever the going gets tough for him personally. Some people have trouble remaining emotionally available to others. I have known a number of men like this, and I have a word for them--I call them exes. Do I ever miss them? You bet. A decade later, I still feel the need to periodically review in my head why one of my previous relationships would never have made it over the long haul even if things had been different, and why I'm much better off with my (emotionally available) husband. It's okay to grieve this man, and to grieve for him, but he's just not likely to let you grieve with him. Cut your losses. Move on.

Your boyfriend will be focussing on taking care of his dying mother for the foreseeable future - that means your relationship with him will remain static - do not expect any support or concern for your problems or the relationship - he has something much more important to deal with.

Unlike Cary's advice, I would ask him specifically if and how he wants you to support him. Give him a little time - a couple of days - if he can't articulate what he wants - then you should decide for yourself about your own next steps and seriously consider going back to grad school.

No one appreciates a martyr.

(linkback) Yes or No? Should I stay in Ireland b/c my boyfriend's mother has cancer? [VOTE] - http://www.thriveorfail.com/87739

On one side, list everything that is right and wrong about staying. Is it the job? Doesn't seem so. The country? Nice but crowded? Maybe not. Boyfriend? Pushing you away. His mother's illness? Major grief for him and he's pushing you away. Your job? Don't like it but jobs in Ireland are not easily come by. Grad school? The offers may not be there now that you have turned them down once. The economy? This is a biggie. Both countries are suffering from job losses, especially in banking. Is your job there a sure thing?

Weigh your answers and decide. And ASK the BF if he wants you to stay. Maybe he would like for you to stay through his Mother's disease process but maybe not.

Everything in me rings of going back to your studies if the offers are stillthere. Leave it to the BF to make his choices when he is ready. Move on and make a life.

I love relationships as much as the next woman, and I love being in love and having a partner, and so on. But these things can blind us sometimes. I know you are deeply in love, but I think at least part of your confusion and near-desperation is feeling emotionally rejected by someone you want to become closer to. This man is telling you very clearly that he is emotionally unavailable, and he's telling you that he's going to hurt you. Are you ready to sacrifice yourself for his needs? Are you ready to allow him to hurt you? If this were a marriage, or if he were your fiance, or if anywhere in your letter you'd indicated that he's said/ done something that indicates he wants to spend his life with you and is willing to be equally invested in the relationship, then I'd say stay.

But - I think you should have gone to grad school the first time around, and I think you should rectify that mistake at this crossroads. Even he is telling you to do this. What sort of bond do you share? He's clearly telling you that you aren't part of his family, and he doesn't have any plans to make you part of it. Listen to what he wants and pursue your original plans. Are you willing to stagnate in a career you hate for several more years for this man? I'm guessing also that if you stay, in a couple of years the relationship will fall apart anyway because you'll be so unhappy. That will feel doubly bitter - having wasted four years on someone who doesn't appreciate that you gave up your own dreams to be with him.

I'll tell you my story - well, one of them. I had applied to my dream Ph.D. program in NYC several years ago while I was still living in the southern US (about 6 hours away by plane). I fell in love before I knew I got in. I told him as it happened that I was planning to move, and that it would likely be across the country, and that I was committed to finishing my education. He wanted to be with me so much, it turns out, that he moved to be with me after a few months doing long distance. I'll never forget that, even though we eventually did split after 3 years. My point is that you've got to do what you need to do, and if someone cares about you enough to make you a permanent part of his life - to keep you in his life - he'll do so come hell or high water.

Which brings me to another point. Why is even temporary long distance for your relationship completely out of the question? Why was it out of the question the first time? Relationships can and do survive and flourish, even overseas! I'm in one now, though I plan on moving overseas to be with my fellow within a couple of years. It's very possible, especially with new technology and free Skype. Is your boyfriend completely opposed to this? That should tell you something, if he is.

One last point. If you are very close to his mother, consider staying. If you think your presence makes a big difference to her, then think seriously about staying to help her. But it sounds like your boyfriend has made his decision, and I'm not sure what you'd be staying for other than to be his whipping boy. Again, if you were engaged or married, I'd think differently. But I think you should get on with your future.