I've had two awful bosses (out of 12), and I understand how horrible, stressful, and soul-sucking it can be to go to work day after day for someone you don't respect. But in retrospect, I can see how I contributed to the problems I experienced. Here are some of the lessons I learned, both as an employee and as a manager.

Don't talk about the boss behind his/her back. It will get back to them, and then you'll really be in a world of hurt. Never say anything to a coworker, or in your small town to anybody but your fiance, that you wouldn't want repeated out of context to the boss. How was I supposed to know that his new secretary was actually his mistress?

If you don't do the job you're in well, you'll never be considered for an internal transfer, which is often the quickest opportunity for change. If your high-quality work makes the hated boss look good, that's part of the price you pay for succeeding. Nobody will care that your boss is an idiot -- well, if she really is an idiot then everyone will know and you'll get extra points for working well with her.

Be sure you clearly understand your boss's expectations. If it turns out that the two of you have a hard time communicating, assume that part of the problem is you and ask for more specifics. Remember, your goal is to succeed in this job, so ask for direction and feedback, and listen attentively to what the boss says when you ask. Take notes if you have to, and be sure to do what the boss says.

If you discover that there's a big mismatch between your expectations for your job and your boss's, the boss's view automatically wins. It may be unfair and frustrating, but it's reality. Meet with your boss as soon as you realize the mismatch, and try to figure out a way together for you to gracefully transition to something that you can succeed at. This does not apply to illegal or seriously abusive treatment -- take that immediately to HR and/or the boss's boss, but be certain that it's warranted, because that's live ammo and could just as easily blow up your career as the boss's if you're not extremely careful.

There are only two ways to stand out in the boss's mind: as a superstar performer, or as a problem. Your goal is to be that superstar, because it increases your value -- inside the company, in your next job, to yourself.

Take every opportunity to improve your own skills. That bear of a project will look good on your resume, as will the continuing education, interdepartmental collaboration, and professional conferences.

Never, ever, under any circumstances, complain about your boss or your company when you go on an interview. The reason for looking for a new job is always that you have outgrown the opportunities of your current position. New employers expect loyalty, and if you show them you don't have any for your current employer they won't want you.

And finally, remember that there will be other jobs, that you will be able to find a niche where you can succeed, that you will work for bosses who encourage you and bring out your best.

Good luck!

Bring back Ann Landers. She at least kept it brief.

had a good boss, so I don't know what issue some posters think it is they are addressing, but having had a series of difficult and crappy jobs over the course of 15 years, I can tell you that one of the problems you are facing is that you are a newcomer to a small town.

I don't know what brought you there, but I was in a marriage that endured for 15 years. In that 15 years, we moved from one bad job market in one small town to another while my then-husband went from one one-year appointment to another. While the job market now is bad, there are places where it is worse, and my guess is that the county you live in is worse than the national average.

Because of all the moves we made on behalf of my husband's career, my job trajectory suffered. Had we located in one place with an unemployment rate that was not twice the national average, I might not have had a great job, but I would have had a tolerable job. I would not have found myself living in a small town being sexually harassed by one of my bosses (oh, joy, it was one position with two bosses) with no recourse that would not have sunk my then-husband's job.

The advantage to Cary's foray into the corporate world is that he was able to get their by public transport and leave at the end of the day and live a life if he so chose, that was far different from what he did during the day. Small towns do not offer that option.

What I wish someone had said to my younger self before I embarked on what would become an 15 year odyssey is this: why you are living somewhere you don't really want to live with options you don't particularly like with someone who can't afford to foot the bill to the degree that would allow you the freedom to which you are entitled for having made the sacrifice of following his career path?

But, since you have already done what you've done and no doubt have the same bag of justifications to draw from that I did, here are some steps you can take today to make the situation more tolerable.

First, don't say anything bad about anybody. It will come back to bite you on the behind. Your ancestors didn't live there at the time of the founding, so you are a newcomer.

Second, find friends doing something you like. It can be knitting, it can be skydiving, it can be community theater, it can be tutoring disadvantaged children, or the local historical society. In a small town the only way to get out of your current situation is to make friends elsewhere who can then get you the introductions that you need. Also having friends outside of your beloved who brought you to this place is just plain smart.

Third, tell Mr. "Wonderful I moved her for you fiance" that you want to do an experiment. For the next three months you will live off his salary and save yours. This will accomplish two things: first, you will have a cushion to fall back on if you get fired, second you will learn how to live on his salary which will make it easier to leave the current position in which you find yourself.

Maybe you are a total failure as a human being who just doesn't get the working world, but in your letter I hear echoes of who I was when I was a much younger woman, and I think there are some concrete steps you need to take so that like your beloved, you can flourish.

I wish you the very best.