I'm disappointed you did not address your actually dangerous advice of yesterday. I think you owe that woman an apology for what you told her!

This gal appears to be screwed either way, so it doesn't really matter what anyone tells her.....

A difficult boss is a problem. I don't want to minimize it.

But you don't talk about the firm (or organization), it's business, and how you feel about your role in the firm.

Since you are a college grad, I am assuming that you are in some sort of quasi professional position. I like Peter Drucker's The Effective Executive. First, it is old and the examples are fascinating. It is easier to evaluate his argument, since we know how things turned out. Plus, the guy could write a coherent sentence and you can knock it off in a couple of hours.

When you have a people problem at work, the touchstone is the work itself. Is it getting done? Getting done well, efficiently, and effectively. Do you have written goals and objectives and an understanding regarding they will be measured/evaluated? I'll bet not. If the situation can be salvaged, it will be because of the work. If things don't make sense from this perspective it is not possible to salvage this job at this firm.

Focusing on the work is a little like educators asking themselves what is best for the children or medical practitioners focusing on what is best for the patient. It gives a sense of perspective. If your job makes sense and you believe in what you are doing, then focusing on the work itself can provide a basis for resolving personal conflicts.

As far as Cary's soulless corporate years in the wilderness -- I think he simply didn't think the work was meaningful. I suppose he was also in the wrong position for his skill set. However, I will speculate that what he was doing had little to do with actually getting oil out of the ground and selling it to customers who want and need it. I also suspect that he didn't "believe" in the product or the "mission" of the firm. It is popular to act as if oil companies are evil, but even radical critics use it every day -- Al Gore has a mega hybrid vehicle and a huge house that uses a lot of electricity and heating/cooling. He has gone back to do a pseudo eco retrofit, but he is living a carbon based life as he works for change.

I am saying this because I think Cary has overly extrapolated from his experience. A job doesn't have to be soul deadening. In a work setting where people are cooperating to achieve tangible goals, you can be surprised at how little your coworkers need to conform to what you would look for in a friend. And furthermore, these people who may not share your values and cultural sensitivities can have a number of admirable qualities as you get to know them. Like people who voted for Bush. People that aren't like you and me and the salon readers can have some amazing qualities that can surprise you. Like being admirable with respect to civic and charitable involvement -- and I'm not talking about serving on boards. It is the kind of diversity that people say they want but you would never find at a selective college.

LW, hate to break it to you, but your boss doesn't really qualify as a really awful boss. Seriously. OK, so you don't like her and the way she talks about people when they aren't there. And you think the pay difference thing is unfair. Sorry, but these things are more common than not, and are actually pretty benign. Does she have a raging drug problem that means she's erratic and random and you're left to pick up the pieces? Has she given you a part time job on a prorata salary, then pushed a full time job plus some on to your desk, fully knowing you'll put up with it because of the job market? You may not like the woman, and she may be into some petty bullshit, but from your letter, it sounds like she's pretty beige as far as bosses can go.

It's probably the feeling that you can't go that's amplifying things. I don't know how bad the market is where you are, but if you're working part time, how could a full time job at less pay make that much of a financial difference?

Your peace of mind is just as important as your fella's. Your job, though, may not be. Unless it's a step on your chosen career path, a part time job just doesn't carry the same weight as a full time job. He has more money and more of a dream attached to his job than you have to yours. His job simply carries more weight right now. Even so, you must sit him down and talk to him about what really is bugging you about this job. Ain't your boss... not really... is it? Is it the work itself? Is it the fact that you don't like the idea of "someone like her" having say over "someone like you"? Is it the location? You have to be able to talk about these things with a man you're going to marry... this sort of thing is what wears away at the warp and weft of marriages.

So, lets say you really are stuck in this particular job. Your actual job can make up for it. And, honestly, if she's as miserable a person to deal with as you say she is, you'll find a kind of brotherhood of pain with your coworkers. You never know - you might really shine at your job and be offered one by a client. Stranger things have happened *whistling and looking innocently at ceiling*

But as an older woman speaking to a younger one, I'd offer this advice... do not personalise work. People can mean things as personally as they want - it's up to you to pick 'em up and take 'em home with you. Trust me, in 15 yrs, you will struggle to remember this boss's name.

The other advice I'd offer is that an employer will only pay you what you ask. You want more? You ask for more. You may not be worth more, but that's not for me to say. Either way, audacity pays.