That one line says much about the Lolita angle.

LW tried to do a fine thing, but she now has to take care of herself. Try to initiate some counseling for this child, and explain to her husband that their marriage is in jeopardy and he must step up and discipline his niece, set some boundaries, and remember who he's married to. If this fails, then she should try to include additional family members in this and get herself to a safe place.

A separation might make her husband come to his senses. If not, this marriage is not worth saving. Hopefully something can be done to help the girl- her malicious manipulation is pretty advanced for her age, but she deserves a chance. However, I feel the LW is trapped in a no-win situation, and barring her husband's sudden clarity, needs help.

Frances Donlan James.

I still have a book my Mother owned:`Alice in Wonderland. The book has children's illustrations. There are crayon mark 'doodling' she scribbled.

My Father called his three daughters a Princess.

Dad say: My, you each a Little Dancing Princess.

My brother died at birth. His name was: Francis.

the husband is definitely nailing the niece. tennis needs to apprehend the situation as it really stands before launching off into his ethereal world where prose poetry is thought of as advice. or maybe they all need to go to AA!

Rarely have I seen Cary so out of his league. This woman needs to get her husband back on her side and if she can't, run for her life. I've seen this exact pattern before and there's nothing in it for the LW.

Your main duty is not to this girl--or even to your husband--it is to yourself! By all means try to communicate with your husband--failure in this--if he is incapable of seeing what he is doing to your relationship---or if he no longer cares... PROTECT yourself--LEAVE!

If you are to survive with some semblance of self respect--you must set limits--first as to what you will accept for yourself, and secondly what you will accept from your husband--and finally from the girl. If this is rejected by your husband--Leave!! You cannot succeed in this situation without his cooperation.

Love yourself--do not let this situation destroy you!

There's a show on Animal Planet called "It's Me or the Dog." The trainer, Victoria Stillwell, has dealt with many dogs who take over as boss of the house -- and (not?) surprisingly,it turns out the dog is even more anxiety-ridden and unhappy than the humans in being over his own head this way.

I can't believe there isn't some equivalent professional out there to whip this crazy situation into shape -- but I'll you this, LW: Find that professional quickly, because it won't be long before you're caretaking Hubby's and Niece's puppies, too.

LW-

Forget CT's advice. He is so far off base that the advice is almost dangerous.

If you are not familiar with borderline personality disorder, look it up. From your description of this child, she could very well be a sufferer. She is terrified of abandonment and deep down in her soul, believes she is unworthy of love. But, the bitch of it all is THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO HELP HER! Nothing, nada, not a thing.

Did you know this disorder is nearly impossible to remedy? There are many psychologists who refuse to treat the suffers of BPD because of the manipulation and lying. If a trained professional won't deal with her, then you have no chance whatsoever.

So, what to do?

Take care of yourself.

The ultimatum to your husband is absolutely necessary. Contrary to another response, the ultimatum will let you know where you stand and you can act accordingly. You will probably not like the answer (and I would bet the house your husband is going to take the niece over you), but at least you can move forward. After that, protect yourself. Get a lock for your bedroom. Take any valuables (jewelry, extra cash, credit cards) and store as much as you can off site. What you must have at hand, get a lockbox and make sure it is hidden and can not be moved. Also, this girl is going to eventually accuse you of some sought of abuse. Make sure you have a paper trail of all the trouble she has caused in school (or anywhere else) because when Child Protective Services comes to visit you, it will help bolster your case. Finally, at the absolutely earliest moment, get out. Until she decides she needs help and wants help, she will do her dammdest to destroy you.

Ironically, she will turn on your husband one day when she realizes he is not perfect. BPDs think in black and white; you are either good or bad, no in between.

You can save exactly one person, yourself. Get down to it.

LW - Numerous people have voiced grave concerns over the situation in your house. I join them.

This girl has serious problems, and they cannot be addressed in your home. Get out (with everything important to you--papers, pets, keepsakes, jewelry, everything, and assume you will not return). See lawyers. First, one who deals with juvenile issues to help you report the situation to CPS. Second, a divorce lawyer. And, third, a criminal defense lawyer to help you figure out how to protect yourself from charges--this is not what they normally do, but they would be best able to help you be in a better position if charges materialize. If you do not have resources, there are shelters for abused women. You might qualify. Go, go, go.

You are in no position to help the girl, despite what CT may say. The role of the adult is to say no to something that will harm a child. Your "no" is not heard. And your husband is making things worse. Hopefully, not horribly worse. Get people involved who will help this girl. Even though she has been a thorn in your side, a disaster in your house, she needs help. Perhaps someone -- not you or your husband-- can help her.

I am a criminal defense attorney, and have handled many cases where a disturbed child has made abuse allegations. Often, such allegations are true. I don't know how many men have told me, "But she wanted it! She came on to me!" Some of those girls were as young as 6... most were 12, 13, 16 (the age of consent in my state is 17). No matter the age of the child, the man typically says she is very mature. Sometimes he had been drinking. Sometimes he can't say why it happened, but he just did not stop it. Sometimes she lied about her age. No matter. The child is the victim, and he is the criminal.

The law has set an age of consent (it differs from state to state); any child below that age is deemed incapable of consenting. It does not matter if she or he is sexually active. Thirteen is a child almost everywhere. The child is the victim. The impact on the lives of those accused is very heavy. It is nearly impossible to disprove (in those cases where nothing happened). The only way out is if the child tells authorities that it didn't happen. But some prosecutors will still not stop the case even with a retraction. Those accused face years in prison. Years. Even if charges are dismissed (good luck with that), the rumor mill will remain.

Whether or not your husband has already taken advantage of this wild child doesn't matter. (If so, remember he is the adult, she is the victim.) This girl has such allegations in her arsenal. Some kids have found that making such claims gets them attention. And any attention beats being ignored. This is not to say she cannot be helped or saved--just not by you and your husband. This girl has likely been victimized in many ways, and she is plainly angry. She is a child, and she therefore acts out, whether pathologically or not. Her future is a problem, but it is not your problem. She is, however, crying for attention; you can see she gets some of a helpful sort. That, you can do. But be careful. Very careful.

Rough roads lie ahead. Good luck to you.