sorry Cary .. you're off the deep end. thinking way too hard. and writing way too many words.

writer .. get out .. as fast as you can run.

Reading his advice made me long for a nicer America. One where citizens wouldn't have to worry about being falsely accused because investigations were carried out by honest and accurate investigators. One where people would sacrifice for youngsters who had been led astray and would be tolerant of their bad behavior and show them a better way. An America where children were not abandoned by their parents as this young girl was by her mother.

But, then I'm from Nebraska. And, you all know what happened when we decided that we would accept children who weren't wanted by their parents. The other states started sending theirs to us and we couldn't handle all of them. We have Boys Town and they do a great job but they can't raise all of the unwanted children.

Just plain people have to do that, too.

That having been said, this will not end well unless the LW refuses to put up with this situation. Probably by leaving. How sad.

I went through a similar situation, rather than a niece it was a 17 yr old neighbor girl next door, but pretty much the same behavior went on. I sympathize with how an awful upbring produces such a tragedy, but there is simply no excusing the husbands behavior. I can only hypothesize that some men get manipulated and pulled into this sort of crazy drama because they aren't feeling good about themselves and they feel like the big man again for taking care of a trainwreck of a girl. Your husband isn't your husband anymore, so whether he comes to his senses or not I'd just leave him and the mess for him to take care of alone. I couldn't leave fast enough. You especially are the last person who could ever help her, she has nothing but competitive hatred for you.

I'm not getting something here. This child is completely running the show in this home. If the adults want to 'save' her, then they have to present her with some rules and boundaries. I don't blame the writer for wanting the child out of the house--because she has been defeated. She needs to stop being defeated.

Happy kids need to know that they belong, but they also need to know where they belong. Decisions about what the adults are doing must be made by the adults. And hiding in the bedroom when the husband isn't there will only perpetuate the self-loathing this poor woman suffers from now.

Both adults need to STAND UP! And say that we know you have had it rough, and we are here for you because we love you. But YOU ARE THE KID, AND WE ARE THE ADULTS! Only then, in my opinion, will things improve.

I am afraid the husband is being seduced by the child. And not in a particularly subtle way. This is common. Family therapy is in order--and right away.

lw's husband needs to understand that he is not helping his niece in any way with his behavior. i can't believe this isn't obvious to him already, but i've seen it before.

the hero-worship of a young girl acts as an aphrodisiac for a lot of needy, immature men and it sounds like the lw's husband might be one of them. as teensy wrote, "...you would be shocked to find out how many otherwise respectable, grown men will cross that line even though they know it is wrong wrong wrong."

i remember. we were alone in his classroom. he talked about moving away at the end of the school year to another district. my eyes welled up with tears, and i told him that i would really miss him. that's when he pulled me close and started kissing me. the beginning. he was in his early 40s, i was 14. he'd been my english/drama teacher since seventh grade. he'd visited me in the hospital following a suicide attempt at 13 and knew that i was troubled. a divorced man with three daughters, all older than me. what could he have been thinking? to say that our relationship exacerbated all the problems that were already there would be an understatement.

i don't mean to suggest that the lw's husband is having sex with his niece, only pointing out how easy it is to cross that line when people are as messed up as this.

Francis James. She was a Donlan and Arthur J.

Francis James. She dear. A womb Moms name.

I built thee old bent-style, wild-cherry coffin.

The burial box nailed closed with brass tacks.

I'd say:`Mom, time for rest, peace and quiet.

There's no ladder to be lowered in the Earth.

Mom, folk here are so annoyed at ya's son.

They said:`No hammer too loud a coffin.

Mom's at rest. A worlds gone plum mad.

Miss ya' and Dad:`Love forever. Ya' said.

My parents showed how to live and die.

On a day, I's say:`Gotta call Ma and Pa!

Then I feels silly, sad, and then I smile.

Trust I'll never forget the word.`Loves.

Know I's no ever doubt, y'all teachers.

Mom signed each letter:`Love forever.

Ennobled. One's birthright, be human.

To be respected and become humans,

One need to learn to forgive and love.

I thought about this some more and this has the potential of being awful.

In specific, I put myself in the position of the husband. He has to understand what this looks like - anyone would. So why isn't he making any effort to demonstrate his innocence?

The best answer is that he's already too far gone for that.

Leave immediately, go somewhere that you can't be traced, and then send him a link to this column in email - and refuse to communicate and particularly to meet him until he's told everything to a therapist and got that therapist's advice (and don't take his word - have him have the therapist call you).

I feel deeply for the poor child who is definitely the perpetual victim but this is a clusterfuck and you should get as far away as you can. A drowning man will bring anyone else down with him.