Life is short. If your husband refuses to change or at least consider his behavior with his niece...Divorce!

There is no way that I would let this child disrupt my home in such a way! If he feels he needs to be verbally abusive towards me and takes the side of a manipulative liar over my word, then he and his neice could kick rocks!

LW, a journal sounds like a good idea, but lock it up! This child may destroy it if she finds it. This child may be malicious enough to do anything she can to hurt you.

Lock up your valuables and lock your own computer if you have one. Put your precious belongings (jewelry, heirlooms) in a safe deposit box.

You have to protect yourself. Good luck!

You are in an untenable situation. Your husband is not supporting you and is, in fact, making the situation worse. Regardless of all the other comments suggesting that your husband and niece may already be in a sexual relationship, you need to get yourself some help. However, do let the appropriate people know about your situation. Talk to family who are supportive. Talk to friends. Talk to the relevant professionals. Take care of yourself. And, seeing as your husband is failing miserable as your husband. Leave him. Leave her. You need not be a martyr. This is your life.

... I feel as though Cary has glossed over the impact that the lack of support from her husband is having on the LW. In addition to Cary's suggestions (I particularly like keeping the notebook) I also would think the LW may want to consult with someone experienced in marriage counseling to determine what's best for her, and for her marriage. Yes, this is a child in trouble, but we can't take care of another until we are able to take care of ourselves. And to me, the LW's husband's behavior is creating a huge burden for the LW.

ct didn't notice? he took sides teaming up with the child as a victim. CT didn't even mention that the marriage is in big trouble, that the husband refuses to backup his wife in a situation which is obviously hard on her. He treats her as if she is the enemy and he and the child are a team. The woman enables them. let's them take over even her space at the family tv station.

Marriage counseling is a must for these two. That in itself will help the girl to realize that THEY are in control. Thirteen is a very hard time for many teens. Both adults need to recognize that and hang in there, but must do it together and their issues are interfering with that.

I've already posted a letter pertaining what I feel LW's best shot is, based on the dynamic of the circumstance. however, as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by both genders, I would note that, malignant behavior patterns notwithstanding, the niece in this situation remains under 18, and that the responsibility for adult behavior falls to the uncle...... at no point, whatever appearances might be, could one assume that the niece "seduced" or "trapped" her uncle.... the adult, in this situation, however acting-out the behavior of the 13 year old should remain, at least presumptively, the adult. I have no doubt that many young women - and men - who have been sexually abused, either overtly or covertly, can seem to be "in charge" of seducing men and women of much greater age and, presumptively, maturity. The concept of an adult male claiming that "...that 13-year old strumpet seduced me" is ludicrous on the face of it.

If/when the young niece exhibits seductive behavior, it behooves the adult in the transaction to interpret the behavior, not act on it as some sort of bizarre invitation. And, at the age of 13, such behavior can frequently be assumed to be driven by a "re-enactment" scenario.

That would be my plan.

Probably echoing what many others have written, but the Letter Writer needs to speak with her husband. The fact that she is a prisoner in her own home and can't kiss him around his 13-year-old neice speaks volumes.

The husband's behaviour is enabling his neice. She will never learn how to behave in a normal setting if she's never given one to exist in. This girl needs to learn how to 'share' loved ones, what a healthy adult relationship looks like, and how to grow into a productive young adult. She needs rules and boundaries. No indication that any of that is going on with her current living situation is found in this letter.

Cary's advice is very PC but completely missed the point that the LW is not an equal partner in this endeavor. The husband needs to do all of the things proscribed, not the LW per se. In a perfect world, they would do it together.

Give the husband an ultimatum - either we're partners or we're not.

Needs lawyers, counselers, CPS, people who are experts on this issue. Lawyer first, journal everything starting today. Obviously this married couple has really poor communication skills if he just thought he could bring someone into their home without discussion, so if he can agree to therapy after the lawyers have been contacted, good.

I just can't advocate running off and leaving this troubled girl in the hands of an emotionally unstable man. Either due to his grief or because he is harboring rescue fantasies that could turn sexual especially once she is gone. If they have become sexual already his ass needs to be in jail, not left alone to further harm this child.

If this marriage is going to implode, it will implode, but at least do the work to make sure the girl can't become further victimized. I find the people here calling her a Lolita disturbing, as always blame the girl huh? No matter how she was treated growing up, no matter how much pain she is in, she's going to be partly at fault for an uncle acting like a dumbass or at worst a predator. No matter how this young girl behaves it is the adult who is supposed to say look little miss, you are a child and you are not to tell me the rules in my own home. But he is not acting like a rational adult, he is spoiling and acting inapropiately with this girl.

We can't say she should know better if no one ever taught her how to behave, no one ever taught her wrong from right, consequences to her actions. She is certainly old enough to understand rules and boundaries, but you can't blame people for not knowing things they were never taught. I don't think she was treated that well if her mother was willing to hand her over to her one night stand's brother.

I also don't think that this man should be left to be accused of victimizing his niece on the chance that he is not because he may just be acting really stupid because he is fearful any boundaries he sets, any disbelief in her will send her running away from him and he thinks his wife the adult can "handle it".

I do think the authorities should be brought in because he has no idea how to be a good, stable, boundary setting adult to this troubled teen and I don't think he should be allowed to keep her out of his grief, at least not without experts guiding him on proper conduct as he obviously not going to listen to his wife. A child is not someone he should be able to use to make him feel better either. After the proper experts have been brought in, then she should leave.

Maybe this girl is an evil vicious monster, but at least give her some protection before abandoning her to a person who could be a bigger monster.