Cary's reply focused largely on compassion not only for the LW but also (and primarily) for the niece. While compassion is important, it's not going to help the LW navigate this situation. This girl needs some serious limit-setting, perhaps even MORE so because she has not had it in the past. It might be helpful for the LW and her husband to enter couples counseling with the goal of strengthening their own relationship as well as learning how best to deal with the niece. LW and her husband should be encouraged to kiss and do things on their own in order to communicate that their own relationship is important. If the niece is allowed to dictate this behavior, she's not being done any favors, and neither is anyone else.

First enlist husband's agreement that there are problems that need to be dealt with, focusing on the issues with niece's behavior if necessary. Then call around to a few couples counselors and briefly explain the situation, telling them that you want to strengthen your own relationship and also work on developing better parenting skills for the niece. Many couples counselors are experienced with this kind of work (children often contribute to relationship problems, so this is frequently a feature of the therapy). Good luck!!

My sweet lady, you and your husband in all good intentions have allowed "hell on wheels" into your lives. I have 4 of my own children and one of them mirrored your niece. It is only a matter of time that you will wind up involved in social agencies and the courts, you and your husband will be accused of child abuse or child molestation or both. Even if you walk into the agencies seeking help -- the child will lie and they will believe her. The least of the trauma would be if you are accused of child neglect by not acting fast enough to get help. This child is a super-manipulator and could be capable of anything. If she is not responding to your positive advances and have set a wedge between you and your husband (sometimes men defend the little lolita that they may be attracted to or it could be worse). After having the family court RUIN my whole family and having had a nervous breakdown after expending thousands of dollars for lawyers to defend myself (the child is given a lawyer to fight you), I was able to take action. I found a boarding school or such children http://www.thefamilyschool.com. Both you and your husband can pat yourselves on the back for getting the quality help this child needs, while working your way back into a loving relationship in order to stand your ground. Blessings !

Does the name Lolita ring a bell? I think they made a movie about this situation. Called Poison Ivy with Alicia Silverstone.

ConstantReader1000 said up above somewhere: 'I would give 500 to 1 odds that this girl has already seduced and initiated a sexual relationship with the writer's husband.'

'500 to 1' odds would mean there is a very low possibility of what you gave the odds against happening.

I think what you mean would be something like '1 to 10' odds or 'better than even money'.

Just getting my daily pendanticness out ;-)

Excellent suggestions by the posters. Sounds like a very serious problem to me.

i hope the lw shows her husband all these letters. cary's advice is horrible. if the lw can't be partners with her husband and present a united front to the niece, and create a home where the adults are in charge and the child has limits and boundaries set, then there is no way the lw can save this child.

lw, you must confront your husband and get into counseling together. only if he's willing to get on board with including you as a full partner in this endeavor should you continue with providing a home for the niece.

if your husband won't do this, then you must, must, must end this marriage asap.

call a counselor. and if that doesn't get you anywhere with your husband, call a lawyer.

Does she have a mother? Why is the mother not involved here? It may well be that LW will have to leave the household. We don't know how old LW and her husband are, if there are are other children in the house..that sort of thing. As the child settles in she will, one hopes, make friends of her own. Invite her friends over and be nice to them all. And if this girl has been abused, get her help immediately. All three should probably go inot counseling at least to get over the initial hurdles. And if she has really been abused she may be trying to seduce LW's husband. It's not the kid's fault but husband must make it clear that he is treating this young girl as a daughter not a girlfriend.

She needs rules, limits, discipline, respect, and most importantly the rewards of teamwork. These are things she's never had before in her life. It will be tough, but life changing for her. It will save her life.

If she continues on her current path, she will end up in a juvenile detention center or jail. She will continue to lie and manipulate her way through life, ruining the lives of others along the way. She has already seen how easily she can get away with anything she wants.

Google "military school for girls." Save her life. Save your marriage, too.

They should also be forwarded immediately to the LW (Cary presumably has her contact information). The LW is in a profoundly dangerous situation, and Cary's advice to her is criminally stupid.

I'll echo all the others here who strongly advise the LW to follow the advice of Nefariousmuse and Advocatus, and do so immediately. Good luck to you--you're going to need it.

. . . previous commentators that said the advice of nefariousmouse and advocatus should be the primary source vehicles here. I posted my response before reading their letters. I have worked in and around attorneys like this in sad cases similar to this that I covered as a journalist and they are spot on correct an comprehensive in their advice (and for pretty much gratis - thanks to the two of you). I hope LW comes to this thread and reads their replies.