This is a train wreck in progress, and you will be the big loser if you do not get her out of there immediately. The accussations of abuse will escalate and get pointed at you and your husband, at which point it will become a legal nightmare. This child is hell-bent on self destruction and you can do nothing to prevent that. You can only protect yourself, and you have to get away from her. You must devise some way to send her back to her mother, or you have to leave. The best case scenario is she gets arrested and becomes a ward of the state. The worst case scenario is everyone goes down in some way or another.

I have a problem accepting the LW's initial description of the situation with her "niece". The girl is supposedly the product of a one-night stand with her husband's late brother. Assuming that's true, what was the late brother's relationship with his daughter? Was the LW involved with or married to her husband at the time of the girl's birth &/or determination of his brother's paternity? If not, how long has the LW known about her? Was the girl involved with her father or any members of her husband's extended family previous to her father's death?

Without knowing how long the LW's been married or how well she knows her own husband or his family members living or recently dead, the whole premise sounds suspicious, if not completely far-fetched. Could the LW have been set up by her husband, feeling "guilty" about not having established a relationship with his late brother's daughter, who's having such a "hard time at home"? (How did her husband know this, if he wasn't previously close to the niece?) The LW would naturally want to help assuage her husband's guilty feelings by suggesting they take the girl in, but may not have actually initiated the idea herself out of thin air.

With all due respect & no offense intended, based on what the LW writes, it sounds like there were a lot of holes in the story to begin with. My understanding is that often troubled children like the LW's "niece" are passed around from one adult to another under verious premises for nefarious purposes. There's a very good chance the LW's husband may be living a pedophile's dream right under his wife's nose, a la Humbert Humbert. In any case, I feel sorry for the LW, & sorrier for the girl.

Bravo Cary!

This is probably the best piece of advice I have ever seen in this painful circumstance. It should be read by anyone dealing with a troubled teen. Too many of our children are dealing with hurt too vast for most adults to understand or to react in supportive ways. I hope your answer can give caregivers a lifeline in dealing with these traumatized youngsters

Run. Run fast and far from this situation. Cary is way off base with his advice. You do not have a marriage, you have a pecking order and you're at the bottom of it. I guarantee the "couple" is feeding their relationship off of you anxiety (as in you're the enemy). Don't let them! You're living with two children. Take your remaing self-respect and get the hell out. The last thing your hopefully-soon-to-be ex should see of you should be your middle finger held high out the window of a taxi! I hope that the LW will write back and tell us what actions she took.

As mentioned by a previous commenter, there are holes in this narrative. But why does everyone jump to the most extreme conclusions - this is only a projection of one's worst fears, paranoia...

Give it a rest! No one knows anyone is actually being "molested". Kids make up accusations all the time, and this particular line hits hard and kids know that these days. And it doesn't mean she has a history of molestation - just turn on the TV any time of day and she'll learn the tricks of false accusation.

Great for the LW to look for advice and have half the people on the site accusing her husband of being a child-molester - stop obsessing. The kid wants to push the right buttons, so she does. As Tennis said, she's not responsible, she's not clear-sighted. Man you people are scary! Of course kids go down the hell hole when its "think of yourself first". Bit of morality here please?

It can be worked out with the husband and it doesn't have to destroy the family, in my opinion. Being 13 sucks, this girl sounds like a little venom-spitter indeed but most people can change, especially from that age onwards. This is a crucial time, i say get mean. Stand as one, as parents should, and set an ultimatum. Scold, lock in room, spank, take the TV, stop her from seeing friends, PUNISH, or just make her life hell but someone has to break this kid and its not that hard - thats what kids understand. Once the hormones start to stabilise she'll know she was an idiot and LW was acting in her interest.

As legal guardians, LW and whipped hubby have all the power and should use it. Love indeed, but love is an iron fist in a velvet glove; it should be, especially with this kind of situation.

I totally disagree with this advice. This woman can't do a thing until the husband sees the problem and cooperates. Saving this child isn't on her shoulders, it's on her husband's shoulders. Even if she makes this child her passion, the second she reaches outside the home for help all hell will break loose. The husband needs to be confronted, and if he doesn't sign up to change and to act like an adult, she needs to get out of that home.

I have to say to those who think LW should run like hell that I can't argue. That would be the safest thing to do. There's a high possibility that if she doesn't, things will end badly.

However. If it were me, I would have to take the chance of trying to create a home for her. Someone up the thread mentioned "residential care" as what the girl needs. Please. You mean torture, right? A hell no one has ever gone through and emerged sane from? Let's not sugarcoat this. Children who get turned over to the system might as well be taken out back and shot in the head, because the system has about a one percent chance of helping anyone. It's a bad system.

I was trying to analyze why I don't think the husband is sexually involved with the girl. That's my instinct, and I figured out why I think that. It's because although a girl who has been molested may try to seduce potential benefactors to gain status in a household, she usually finds out it doesn't work as planned. Loyalty and sex don't have to go together. That this girl is able to get the husband to accuse his wife of lying says to me that he still regards her as innocent and doesn't understand that she has sexualized their relationship and is marking her territory.

I could be wrong, of course, which is a whole different letter. What do you do when you find out your husband's molesting his niece? Turn him into the police and get a good lawyer to protect your interests, for starters. Cry a lot.