In your household, right now, there is only 1 adult, and you are it. It is a lonely position, but as the adult, you are the only one who can and has to do something.

You seem to be approaching the situation from a reasonable, normal point of view. But there is also that voice inside that is trying to scream out that the situation is not at all normal; it is weird, it is creepy, you are in bizzaro-land.

People who have no experienced with something like this cannot understand. They can go on about not abandoning the innocent child, getting your husband to act with you as a united front, issuing ultimatums, etc., but they don't truly understand. Whether or not sex has occurred doesn't matter because normal boundaries have already been breached. You cannot fix her, nor your husband, nor, unfortunately,probably your marriage.

A lot of people have given you very good advice about taking care of yourself, getting out of the house along with any living things you care about, and getting professional help. I very much hope you will take their advice. If you were to tell a counselor, a member of the clergy, or teacher what you have told us, you would not have to worry about what to do next because it would be taken out of your hands, as it should be.

Many of us wish you well and would like to know how you fare. Please remember that YOU are the normal one here.

Yes, there is much good advice on these pages. But many of you have gone of half cocked about Cary's response without fully reading it (and some of you boast about never reading the response properly). Here are some comments of Cary's that directly address the main concerns of these many letters.

"You cannot do it alone. So reach out to social service agencies. Learn as much as you can about the kinds of services that are available. Talk to the police and learn as much as you can about what allegations she has made concerning sexual abuse....It is likely that she has been sexually abused in some way. Learn where she stands legally on these issues. Ask the police what prospect of justice exists for her."

This covers the whole aspect of protecting herself and the law - these people will give her professional advice which may or may not include removing her from the situation. Cary is clear here. And some have pointed out that it is tragically likely that the girl has experienced abuse in her past and part of her acting out is the police reports.

"She is 13. She is a child. She has been through hell....But she is not at fault. She is a child."

Whether or not she was abused, her home situation was so bad she could not continue living there. This covers all those comments about her being the victim no matter what the husband does.

"Begin keeping a journal so that you can organize your information. Write down everything you can think of that pertains to her situation. Go to her school and explain to her teachers why she is staying with you and ask what kinds of support are available for her. Tell them that you want to help her but that you cannot do it alone."

Covers the journal, and is another source of protection for the LW.

"Your husband must be warned that a young woman who has been traumatized and sexually abused may act out in ways that are tragically destructive to herself and to others. This is a volatile situation. There are of course certain concrete actions that are completely out of bounds."

He's covering the husband angle and not presuming the husband is abusing her, as is proper, but is alert to the possibility.

As I've pointed out before, letters writers are not subtle. Cary is. The messages that will lead to the right outcome (understanding of police, legal, social, moral and educational issues affecting all parties) are all in the letter. Let the professionals she consults, if she takes Cary's advice, paint the picture to the LW. If it involves going, they'll tell her, and based on fuller information than you have to work with here.

If a kid lies, makes up stories of molestation (everyone says "its possible" but the LW admits the story makes no sense - and there is no better way to get attention, which is what this kid is desperate for) and cannot be reasoned... What's the solution?

For most here, put her in foster care? That, to me, is proof of having lost one's mind. Spiritually sucked dry? LW's soul will be blackened if she abandons the kid to the social system, its worse than murder - don't pretend its "fine". Run for your life? yeah, just abandon your family, don't even make the effort to break this cycle.

Whatever it takes to straighten a kid out is worth it. Spanking is far less damaging than saying "not my problem anymore" - and spanking is only an extreme measure, there are many ways to get through to a kid without giving up completely. Grow some balls.

Jail time for spanking one's own kid? Oh i forgot, laws in the US are so insane that now educating a child means goading it with sugar and junk food like the proverbial carrot. Riiight, that works. Once again, whatever it takes.

Either work it out with the husband, or set down an ultimatum. All three in the equation will be distorting the facts, by natural bias, but there seems to be some genuine imbalance that has to be rectified. It can be done. There are worse problems in the world that have been dealt with before.

With all due respect, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND???!!!

This woman is in an abusive environment that threatens her on every possible level. Physical, emotional, legal, and social. And spiritual. I guarantee you that her soul is being sucked dry. You want her to be compassionate? Why not just tell her to slice her veins open to nourish the "poor child"?

Again I ask, have you lost your mind?