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A woman writes in to say that her husband has taken on a child with a past that has led her to be totally out of control. And he isn't doing anything to make the situation any better. on the contrary, he is enabling this child in her out-of-control behavior. He is pushing his own wife out of their marriage, and putting the child in her place.
The woman was not consulted about the situation. The woman is being punished for the child's behavior. The woman has lost her marriage and her home, and has gotten nothing in return for the exchange. She writes in to ask what she should do about her marriage and her home situation.
And Tennis tells her she should scoop up all the shit that has been raining down on her life, put it in a big bowl, and eat it.
I totally see the rationale behind wanting to save this child. But there are thousands, if not millions, of children whose lives need some responsible guardianship. This woman never signed up for any of this. It is cruelly unfair to act as if she should take responsibility for this broken life.
If you want my advice, poor Letter Writer, you need to give your husband an ultimatum: You or the niece. You may be willing to consume all the shit that Cary seems to think it is reasonable for you to consume. But even if you do, you need to make it clear to your husband that his current behavior is not in the child's best interests, in his best interests, and certainly not in your best interests. And if he refuses to begin acting like an adult, and like a parent to this child, then he is on his own.
If it were me, I would pack my things and leave. Your husband seems to have made his choice, and that choice doesn't include a place for you. Why should you take on years or decades of heartache for not foreseeable reward?
Go live your life. Find a man who isn't willing to take advantage of you to your extreme detriment.
And ignore Tennis' advice. Yes, it would theoretically be good and noble if you could actually help this girl. But why should he expect you to just give up you life that way? I don't think you should just give up your life. Your husband has given up your marriage.
