My soon to be ex wife, a smoker, used to pick and nag incessantly about my smoking until it just became easier to quit. She of course never did. Still does. It's not about smoking it's about power. It's about being a hammer and looking around for the next thing to crush.

Its more likely two kids are making you insane than your spouse's smoking. Two babies in three years is enough to make anyone look around for fall guys .. Since you've given up nicotine yourself , it sounds like you've become some born- again type ( christian , alcoholic, or married person) that won't quit trying to convert people, to your lifestyle, spending lots of time dwelling on the wonderful sordid details of the sinful past you left behind ,the lurid agonies of hell to come if they continue on the path you used to tread and the heaven you deserve that doesn't really seem all that enticing.

Make sure you get some time for you away from the kids and home . Maybe your husbands imperfections won't loom so large when you introduce a little fun of some sort into your own life.

Please don't tell your kids they don't have a daddy because he smoked two cigarettes a day.

Stay. After all you smoked. Do your best to help him quit. Its not your fault he started. Stresses aside it was his choice - nobody elses.

Protect your children as much as possible by educating your husband, or by having a doctor do it. Make sure he knows that most of the cigarette smoke comes back inside on his clothes, and that babies and small children are far more susceptible to carcinogens and environmental pollutants than adults. Heck, next time the kids go in for checkups take your husband along and ask the doc how to best protect them. Have the doc talk about the chronic ear and throat infections and asthma and other issues that often crop up in people who live with smokers.

Then make sure his medical insurance is paid up. That's all you can do.

I know I'm going to get flamed by nicotine-addled trolls who spout the tobacco lobby lie that there is no proof that secondhand smoke is harmful.

But those assholes have the intellectual honesty and scientific literacy of flat earthers, creationists and astrologers.

Common sense and reams of scientific evidence, starting with the Surgeon General's 1988 report and even leaked tobacco company documents show what anyone with any sense knows - breathing smoke of any kind is harmful!

As a mother, your first obligation is to your children. By raising them with a smoker, you increase the risks that they will develop allergies, asthma, developmental delays among countless others.

The nicotine junkies will try to sway you with their mantra that there is no proof that smoking is harmful. I'm sure they also doubt that inhaling water causes drowning as well. Before you start giving their rantings any credence, I suggest you check out these links.

www.surgeongeneral.gov/library/secondhandsmoke/

http://no-smoke.org/document.php?id=212

Of course, there's lots more if you wish to Google it, but these should give you a start. Especially, the latter since it deals with the effects on children.

You need to find a good lawyer. Kick that bastard out of the house. When you work out a visitation agreement, then make that your husband is prohibited from smoking inside any building or car with your children.

Your first obligation is to the kids.

I'm a former smoker. I quit when I had a heart attack scare. It made it real easy to quit cold turkey then. I had tried several times before but not too hard, because I didn't think it was hurting me that badly. I think your husband will hopefully quit when something like that happens to him--I've known some other guys who had a really hard time quitting, who quit when they had a heart attack scare. I also think that your husband may be giving himself the excuse that he'll quit later when there's less stress. It may not be "right," but it is very possible he won't feel the "less stress" time has arrived until you let go of it. I'm not saying it's right that he should react this way. I'm saying if you really want him to quit, you may need to take the pragmatic approach and let go of it so he feels like it's his idea.

But I have to say--my sister's husband smokes and he's been promising he would quit for 20 years. I am not making excuses for smoking--I know how bad it is for one's body--but it is so hard to find good relationships, my opinion is if I have a really good relationship for 20 years and he dies, vs. not having had that person in my life and spending that 20 years not having that good relationship, I would pick the 20 years with the good relationship, and then nursing them for 5 or so, and then being alone, than not having that good relationship. If my sister never had met her husband the smoker, who is probably going to need care and then die before she does, I don't think she would have met someone else more perfect and loving and compatible for her...I say this because loving relationships are *really, really* hard to find.

I think Cary's answer is brilliant, but I would add that LW has to get rid of her therapist, who is only echoing her thoughts of 'drawing the line.' This is very convenient for the therapist, not to be confrontational, but the end result would be tragic. LW, there is no line for your husband to cross, because he has to grow it himself first. You had a real line, in the form of the babies. Your ultimatums are worthless, because they are completely artificially constructed.

Really, get rid of your therapist. And let your husband work with his.

I watched my mother have to wipe my father's ass because he was too weak to do it himself, because he smoked. If that is what you want to do with you life, then by all means stay with this man.

http://www.badvertising.org/pages/06%20What%20You%20Need%20To%20Know/Smoking-Real%20Life%20Costs/If%20You%20Marry%20a%20Smoker.htm