Like another poster, I was most struck by:

I am tired of having to confront my loved ones' sarcasm and disapproval on a daily basis.

And, you say that you want to give up your people-pleasing ways. You sound like you are asking how to deal with the nay-sayers as much as whether to go for those adventures.

I'm not saying assertiveness training will change your very core until you no longer feel you must please people. But it can give you specific tools to deal with others' sarcasm and disapproval. I really think you will then be clearer on what you want, and will be able to go for it without guilt. (Personally, I think I would be more like Squash who now appreciates the little things ~ Our Town, anyone? But that, too, can involve some major reprioritizing).

The course I took helped me a great deal. It was online and convenient. It took some time and had assignments and exercises, and they worked. I also learned things, eg, that more people are unassertive than not. I have subsequently been surprised by how unassertive (in terms of expressing their desires clearly) some intimidating people are. The tools are effective, for instance, repeating (clearly and simply repeating your statement to people who are nagging or contradicting you).

Best wishes to you...

I am not a cancer survivor, but I do know something about the grieving process, about facing death from another perspective.

When my father died two years ago, it made me realize a lot of things - amongst them, that I no longer wanted to live my life trying to play the part my family wanted me to play, but to rather be fully myself. My husband supported this wholeheartedly, and so did his family, though my own family has had a really difficult time with it.

The way they have dealt with grief is to slip back into routine, to try and recreate life the way it was before Dad died, to try and find some comfort in sameness. But as Cary says, you can't go back.

I urge the letter writer to move forward with her life, to follow her heart, to be true to herself. The people who have depended on her now need to realize that she has supported them and now it's time for them to support her as she finds herself again - or maybe for the first time.

Death is a powerful teacher, and if it teaches you to love yourself more fully, then you will have learned one of the toughest lessons of all.

Yes, you might die next month. Or not. Just remember, while you are living every day as if it might be your last, you might also be stuck on this planet a while longer than you thought. Don't burn all of your bridges with family and friends.

Also, please don't forget that your loved ones might not be around as long as you think. I get the idea you view your life as a Lifetime movie and you're in the starring role of Cancer Victim. Your friends and family are not just bit players, however, and their odds aren't entirely clear, either.

Lists are fine - but basically, you want to "live" and not have to deal with the things that drag you down. Everyone should. The difficulty is determining what those things are that you want to do and you won't regret doing (but will regret NOT doing). So lists are good. I'd recommend doing the ones that don't cost money 1st (or cost only a little), and see how you feel. Definitely drop toxic friends or family members, or just those that don't provide you with anything positive. Just tell them you are busy and then don't return their calls.

You sound like you don't really know what you want out of life, just that you know you want more experiences and fewer restrictions. Make plans to skydive this weekend, and then think about other things you've always wanted to do and work towards doing them. If there is a specific tattoo you've always wanted, get it. If there isn't, and you just want a tattoo, it can wait.

Live it to it's fullest.

Except instead of cancer it was a traumatic and abusive childhood, and a heart condition that forced me to sit and take it. I am now completely physically healthy, and emotionally healthier than I have ever been. I am about to move out of the suburbs of my city and go live near the beach in a couple months. I too choose life!

I too had a close brush with death, over 20 years ago. I have probably had most of the emotions LW expressed.

However, what I've discovered over the years is that none of the external changes I tried actually made a bit of difference. My most profound changes took place mentally, emotionally and spiritually and are not dependent on my career, relationships or tattoos.

LW should also go to Burning Man. Lots of likeminded, adventuresome folks out there to make friends with. It's a bit late in the game, but she could probably still find a ticket...

When my husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in early 2001, his doctors went to superhuman lengths to treat him, but they also told him, "Enjoy your life." So, when he got laid off a few months later, he went back to school for auto mechanics, something he'd long wanted to do; spent a lot of time with me and the kids, got treated for his cancer, stayed active in AA, inspired a lot of people and died five years later anyway. The point is, those last years he took his doctor's advice to heart and really did enjoy his life; in retrospect it's good that he did, and I think now it doesn't make any sense to live any other way, even without that threat driving your days. I haven't read all the other letters here so don't know if anyone else suggested this, but a good book to read on the subject is "Cancer As Turning Point" by Lawrence LeShan. I know a few people who have told me they feel that book quite literally saved their lives.