Allie, I've never heard those sentiments put so well. Thank you for sharing them with us.

I had the opposite experience. I have a disease that is not going to kill me, at least not until I am elderly. But it does make life suck really bad when it kicks in. My lung collapses, and I am off my feet and unable to do anything enjoyable for months and there is a painful operation and a long recuperative period. Since my spectre is not the end of all, it doesn't compel me to do all the things I wish I'd done, it makes me appreciate all I have instead. A woman who loves me, a body that is strong and healthy right now, but may not be tomorrow (or even a second from now), a home, steady income, my wonderful dog. I don't think its a good idea to use the spectre of death to live a nihilistic lifestyle. Whether you have twenty years or a hundred or one, the simplest things in life are the most wonderful, and they won't be augmented by tatoos and plastic surgery.

Recently I got a blood clot in my leg from flying, which is a very life-threatening situation. I'm only 30, and healthy and active with no family history or warning signs. I'll be on treatment for 6 months and then have to be aware for the rest of my life that it might recur. So, there are some parallels in our story.

However, unlike you I do not regret the choices that I have made in my life up until now. I am single as I wish to be, I've traveled the world many times over, and I love my career and colleagues and friends.

The one single thing that I felt regret for was not telling the people in my life that I loved them every single time I could.

And now I feel that I need to spread that message.

It's a big change, to go from living for others to living for yourself. Of course those around you who have enjoyed getting their way all the time because of your people-pleasing are going to object. You're taking someone away from them. But you're giving it to you. I don't see that as at all selfish or narcissistic (if it is, it's a healthy narcissism). And the people who truly care about you, who aren't just using you to get things and take advantage of, will support you in doing what will make YOU happy, even if they think it's weird or don't want it for themselves. It might take a while to adjust to the "new you," but most people should come around after a while. And those who don't can be cut out of your life - get rid of the toxic friends and the sarcastic, negative, sniping, envious people. I know, I'm saying that like it's easy, but I know all too well it is very hard. It's shocking to realize that a lot of people in all of our lives are just there because of what they can get from us, and really don't have the maturity or empathy to want what's best for us if it doesn't give them anything. But man, if you could succeed in getting rid of those people, think how great life would be.

If you read this letter thread, LW, please ignore all the prudes straight-jacketed by their suburban WASP conventions...

You want a tattoo(s)? No problem. I would advise you to think CAREFULLY about what you want, and where you want to get it. Also, be sure to use a licensed shop (there are many around, unless you live in an ultra-konservative place like Utah).

But by all means, if you want a tattoo, get a tattoo!! Fuck the prudes.

I have a couple discreet ones, and I have no regrets. (AND I am gainfully employed at a white-collar medical research position. So there.)

--------------

Otherwise, I agree with some previous posters who say involve your husband in your activities. He did not cheat death like you did, but if he is truly your soulmate then the two of you will have a blast.

And as for the previous writer who scorned you for wanting to end "stagnant" friendships...can any of you honestly say you DON'T KNOW or have not experienced friendships that have run their course?

You owe nothing to those people but dignity and politeness. ANd by all means, if you want to seek new friendships, do so!

You are a survivor, LW. Live your life as best as you see fit.

Just because your old friends & fam - and the myopic curmudgeons on this comment thread - cannot understand the thrill and hope imbued in A Second Chance does not mean you should go back to the same, grinding old routines.

Simply take your hubby with you on your New Journey, 'kay?

As Alice Sebold once wrote: "Just have fun, kid." =)

You think death won't recognize you with big boobs and tribal tatoos?You think if you hang out with different, faster people death will pass you by, as it heads for your old haunts? You think if death goes to your parents house and knocks ,and they haven't seen you in a while it'll settle for the cat?

I'm not sure why all the things you want to do, can't be done while staying grounded amongst those who care for you, those who held their breath and crossed their fingers that you would make it . Take a world tour. Quit your job and go to grad school .People who aren't looking death in the face agonize over such decisions every day-( hence cary's column)

There are many kinds of death, most of the time we don't know that ,until we've been awakened( to our own irritability ). It's only revolutionary if in fact YOU see it was YOU , keeping yourself boxed in. Maybe you've seen how little you settled for. But that was YOUR decision...then and it's all your decision now, just like it's aways been.

You will die, your parents will die, your husband will die, your friends will die. There's no escape for them either. Considering that ,you might want to be a little tender to the people you have shared life with.