You select that woman you want to be out of a magazine and get the plastic surgery job done. The transformation succeeds. Now you decorate that new “me” a little more with some tattoos. Perhaps you can do more. You can talk more sophisticated, walk prettier. You start traveling around the world. You ditch the old, stagnating friendships and design new, deeply meaningful relationships with exciting, new, pretty people (plastic surgery fellows). You run and run to catch up with that “life” that is out there, somewhere … you search for the golden handle on the ever-happy, fulfilling life.

You saw your own mortality close up. And now you want to say yes, yes, yes to life while you have it. How could anyone not understand this reaction? And yet, the people who depend on you being the same person you always were ... well, they're a little concerned that you've gone around the bend. It's not just that they selfishly want you to be what they expect, but after their own imaginings of an early ending (and all the effort and grief that goes with it), now they're looking at different sorts of effort and grief as they watch you talk about jumping into all sorts of high-risk activities.

Here's something for you and something for them. First, you're right. You don't want to die regretting a life lived too safely. But understand that you're experiencing a kind of bounce-back after facing a lot of fear. And that no matter how much you want to cram into this life, time is still linear. You can only do one thing at a time. And great experiences are deeply felt, things we really stop everything else to experience.

Right now, you have something amazing to experience, this exhilaration. Give it the attention it deserves. Grab this moment to start mapping the dreams that are emerging. Journal (or paint or scrapbook) what's important, what's beautiful to you, what you want in terms of experiences, and what this tells you about your real self. There is some essential truth in this explosion of ideas; find it and live it.

For those who care about you, you can tell them (lovingly) to back off. You're having a little party, a kind of birthday party as you rethink your life. This is not some kind of death of the woman they knew, but a renaissance, and you just need a little space and understanding. You're still you. You still love them. You will eventually calm down, and integrate all these ideas into something not so different from your old life. But right now, it would be the kindest thing if they could just smile, pat you on the head, and say, "That sounds just wonderful, dear" until you figure out what you're supposed to be learning.

Hooray for you. Most of us don't get this close-up look at our own mortality (with all the associated thinking about who we really are and what we really want to do with our lives) until we're much older. The truth is we never know how much life we have. And the most meaningful lives include consciousness of that fact. This moment is what we have, and what we make of it is the source of our happiness. You sound like a woman who can balance a lot of inspiration and caring, and still imagine happiness. Go for it.

that jumped out at me was the "getting rid of "stagnant' friends.What's up with that? Were they just...part time...temps, hired for special occasions....on loan from the traveling friendmobile? Have you so many friends that you can just delete a handful of them every week or so and start acumulating some fresh ones, nice shiny new ones that didn't call you when you were down and sick or send a card to cheer you or take you out for a beer? Those old things?

As much as you have gone through, and I'm truly glad for you, the absolute truth is, we are all going to die. Every single man, woman, child, and Jack Russel terrier . Does your husband, the man who loves you deserve to be heaved up into this new "life" with you and thrust into the things you believe you missed out on, the first time around.

THIS is the first time and the only time around, as far as we know quantifiably. This day, month, year, whatever. This.

The freedom you feel is the freedom from having one of those "six months to live: doom and gloom predictions one hears about so often. Every single day, do at least one thing that makes you feel good. Eat food you didn't think you would like. Ride a horse, write a book, get up in the middle of the night to look at stars, drink a good wine.

If you started today, it sounds like at least fourty years of wandering and searching and study and really hard work. If that's what you want, and your spouse is willing to do it with you, go ahead. But don't be surprised if you end up on this road alone. Did he deserve that. Did you?

That was one of Cary's weirder responses. I'm not sure exactly what he means to say, but I do agree that you have to go with your gut and explore some of your impulses, however that fulfills your vision of living your life to the fullest. Still, yes, LW, you have others in your life to think of; I don't think anyone is going to give up on you for getting a tattoo or sky-diving or even traveling. You just have to pry yourself gradually from the "routine" of things that aren't working or bore you and also adjust the comfort level of those close to you about what you want. You can do it, it doesn't have to all be immediate and crazy. You don't want to turn into a parody of one of those silly movie heroines,you know, the kooky live-for-the-moment girl who turns around the life of the boring, steady guy. That kind of persona is either exhausting or false. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to "be different" but make your changes gradually and include the people closest to you in your decisions. They love you and I doubt they would stand in the way of anything reasonable.

It also sounds to me like you still are still self-conscious about who you want to be (which is normal since you're still young) but you can't go against your own nature. Don't force yourself to be someone you aren't just because you think you need to be a new person now. I'm sure you'll find you can strike the proper balance.