for being so brave. Be true to yourself but listen to Cary and Allie. Hope you stay well for a long, long time.

I had Ovarian cancer about 17 years ago. I had a 35% chance of survival. I went back to my job, kept my old friends, and just lived the same routine as the past...but, I had changed.

I now laugh more often, love more deeply, and cry at times that I don't understand. I still don't know if God exists, I now take care of an aging mother, and I can behave in a hendoistic way in a great gourmet restaurant. Actually, life really does not change. All the things that you want to do, do them if you want, but understand, you are still the same person, just with different information and more aware of the way life is so fragile.

Routine has its moments and change can be scary. You are still the same person, only with different ways of thinking. You still have all of the past relationships...use them as you will...but, remember the friends who saw you through the cancer. They deserve your time and love. Remember, love never fails.

anyone who has truly confronted his/her imminent death really is two different people. It may take the people in LW's life a little time to get used to the second one. Cary mentioned the conflict between the LW's new desires and the lure of routine, but he didn't mention that routine sounds pretty good to the people who care about her because it's safe. It's the exact opposite of her potential death. And if things are exactly how they were before, maybe it's even kind of like the cancer never happened. That would be pretty great, right?

Nevertheless, the new LW can't live like the old person. That's impossible for her or for anyone who has been through a big event-- religious conversion, parenthood, violent mugging, whatever-- and who is even the tiniest bit introspective. It's not a choice. It has nothing to do with desire. It's just not who you are now. Of course, the people in your life formed a relationship with the old you. Most of them-- though perhaps not all-- will be able to shift that relationship over to the new you. If things are a little weird now, its just because they don't know the new you yet. But you have something in common there-- you may not know your new self that well either. It will take a little time for everyone to get better acquainted.

I would for the most part go with your instincts to experience as much as you can while you still can. On the plastic surgery front, though, I'd probably check out these ladies' experiences before doing anything too rash - have a look at http://beautyandthebreast.org/.

Otherwise I wish you joy and a wonderful life, wherever it takes you, for as long as you have it.

I love how you want to garb life by the horns after you have been knocked down!

Because you don't mention real specifics, I get the feeling you don't really have a plan yet and are still talking a bit in the abstract about what you want to do. Certainly its not crazy to want to make a change - plenty f people do it and they haven't even faced what you have exactly. I suspect you make your F&F's a bit nervous because they're not really sure what you mean and they're afraid they might lose you and life as they now know it. Maybe its time to sit down and start planning and talking in more absolute terms. Maybe when you start doing that you will decide you really do want to move to some tropical island or care for orphans in Africa or maybe you will find that after an interesting trip and some skydiving you are content to go back to your life as you know it but with some kind of daily/weekly wake-up call to make it more meaningful and exciting.

I was sick for a year and a half with a rare illness that has been solved now. I have never felt so alone. It was a bizarre experience that no matter how much I talk about, and people's eyes start to glaze over pretty quickly, I can't share it - its my own. So there is that part of me that was so intensely affected but only I can own it. I recommend reading Pema Chodron for help with being gentle with ourselves and others, being in the present, and being a catalyst for good by not buying into anger and negativism.

Take care of yourself. I hope you have fun!

LW, I've got a good idea of how you feel right now. 6 years ago, with no sign of symptoms, I had a heart attack right on the stress test treadmill. 17 cardiologists agreed that the blockage was so severe that I should have dropped dead without any warning at least a year before. They weren't sure if I'd even live through the few hours they needed to prepare me for emergency bypass surgery.

Yet here I am today.

When I survived surgery, I felt astonished to be alive, as if I'd been granted a second chance. And I still feel that way today. I have made major changes in my life, and put it into better perspective. I do focus on things that truly matter to me now.

But I also made a lot of crazy, totally absurd plans during those first few months of recovery. And I think that's natural. You've come thisclose to Death. It's no wonder that you want to run in the opposite direction as quickly as possible, without looking back. Surviving doesn't mean you lose your fear of dying; if anything, it may be even stronger, just more subtle. And you'll do damn near anything not to face it again.

So it's not a matter of deciding whether or not to change your life. It IS changed. And it'll continue to change. You'll do things you never thought of doing before. Some you'll regret in time, some you won't. And there's nothing wrong with that, either. You HAVE gotten a second life.

Just make some time & some room for contemplation. Sooner or later, you'll have to stop & sit down with the fear that remains, with the presence of Death. If you're willing to do that, you'll learn a great deal about yourself, and gain a deeper perspective on your life. Now that you've got this new life, you'll want to make the most of it

Mind you, I'm not suggesting that you second-guess every little thing, or let fear prevent you from stretching those new wings. Just don't be so enthused & frightened & exhilarated that you fly too close to the sun at first.

The best of luck to you, LW!