Divorce Him, of course, hope that you can redeem yourself through (lots of) good deeds for others, and try to grow the f@#$ up.

Oh, LW. You want Cary's permission to leave, don't you? And ours. I think you'll get it, in spades. You've got mine. I married at 21 and stuck it out until 32. I didn't like being the wife, either.

I could go on about this, but here are two things to help you on your way. One, the "do unto others" principle, familiar to any good religious girl. If your husband felt about you the way you feel about him, if he had just written the letter about you that you wrote about him, would you want him to stay with you out of duty and pity and a desire not to let his family down?

Two. I just had a visit from an old friend of mine. We're both in our late 30s. In 1997, when she was barely a year married, I sat outside a library with her and listened as she wrestled with her desire to leave her husband--on one side, the other man she was in love with; on the other, her Catholic family and God, who would disown her if she got divorced. I told her she could come stay with me if she decided to leave. She never did--God and family prevailed. Today she is in the middle of a truly nasty divorce, with two unhappy little kids who will tie her to her ex, in one way or another, for at least the next 18 years. I want to reach back through time and grab her by the shoulders and yell "leave NOW"!

You think it's hard to leave now. Leaving now is a piece of cake compared to what it'll be like to leave later. Just do it, and good luck to you.

Twenty five? The letter reads as though it was written by someone who is fifteen.

Marriage requires responsibility. If she can't muster some, then she owes her spouse an apology for wasting four years of his time.

Best advice? Grow up.

Seriously. You're probably right. You got married too young, you didn't think it through, etc.

Here's the thing, you got married. This isn't about taking back your CDs, cashing out and moving on. This is going to be complicated. People may be furious. The money may not work out the way you think it will. You may discover that freedom is not everything you thought it would be. You may discover that you are rushing into divorce in the same manner you "rushed" into marriage and that you are equally disappointed in the result.

Does this mean you should stick with it no matter what? Hell, no! You should behave like the adult you hope to be and work on it before you walk. Talk honestly with your husband. Insist on therapy. Find a therapist, set the appointments, go for yourself when he isn't there. Ask him to try to be there more regularly for while. Give the whole process at least 3 months.

In all honesty, I've never met anyone who is married who hasn't gone through serious slumps in their relationship. You are doomed to disappointment if you expect otherwise. If there is any marriage or relationship out there that you admire, know that it took work. Lots of work. That certainly doesn't mean that every relationship can (or should) be saved, but many can be.

My sister in law divorced at your age and fifteen years later I still don't think she's over it. Not the relationship so much as the break up. They didn't try hard enough to fix it. They didn't communicate well and now it can never be fixed. That's a heavy burden to carry into your future.

I also want to say that the whole 'freedom' thing wears off very quickly when you get over feeling suffocated and start wanting to feel secure and loved again - something I presume is important to you or otherwise you wouldn't have got married in the first place.

Freedom can also be achieved within a marriage. I feel freer and more independent now - with a husband of fourteen years and a young child - than I have ever felt before. It's the freedom of being in an intimate, secure, loving relationship, where I can be myself and am loved for being so, and where I can express the love I feel.

So go to counselling. Be as honest with your husband and with yourself and with your family as possible. Give your marraige every chance of working out and if in twelve months time all your best efforts don't get you there counselling can also help you break up in as positive a way as possible. A good counsellor will help you with deal with your family, your religious fears etc.

Oh - and forget about labels like 'heartbreaker'. They are so high school.

"I want to sell our house and live my own life with the money that I make."

I hope he gets a great lawyer and you end up in a shelter. Cary might want to gas on about the north star, but you're a jerk.

(PS, I hope he gets the dogs, too.)

do we have age laws where drinking is concerned, but not marriage? Successful marriages are hard enough, let alone when you're not a fully formed human being yet. You haven't reached that point yet. I know that sounds condescending, but there you have it.

Try to make the divorce as civil as possible. Get counseling to learn why you jumped into this. Make sure your next mistake is a different one. Good luck.

I'm not in favour of marriage, full stop, and it's situations like these that show that it's not the gays or whatever group that do a fab job of "undermining" the institution - white middle-class heterosexual Christians are doing a fine job of undermining it themselves.

Marriage is a contractual arrangement whereby you agree to share finances and child-rearing arrangements with someone else. In the religious sense, it was supposed to be forever. It benefited families and religious hierarchies because it supposedly assured every child was legitimate (and could inherit the goods).

How many people get married for those reasons? How many people get married because it's the default "thing to do" if you have a partner for more than a year? Because your family says you should? Because you can act like a "princess" for a day, have a big party and get lots of presents? Because you're too brainwashed not to think for yourself and wonder just what you're trying to achieve with it?

I agree with the others here. Yes, get out. Yes, grow up. Apologise to your husband. And think about why you do anything that involves serious commitment with others in future.