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• Friday, August 15, 2008 07:49 PM

  Rubber meets the road

  LW, it's a perfect storm: you're 25, everybody you KNOW is out partying, and you're married with nobody to play with, because he's gone all the time. Of course you feel caged. A few concrete things for your "to do" list:

  1. Consider whether remorse and regret are a comfort zone. Religious indoctrination can do that---a constant message that you need to place your life in the hands of God can make you doubt your judgment over time, and so remorse and regret "feel" virtuous.

  2. Lestat1's advice to seriously consider traveling with hubby at least once per month is BRILLIANT. His absence makes it impossible for you to gauge what a positive impact he could otherwise have on your life. You've moved past missing him; now you're excising him. Get back into his space and see some cool spots. Visit a museum or a record store while he's at work.

  3. Use your free time to pursue a passion----now is the time to discover cooking or gardening or fitness. Sitting around regretting your choices is poison--a vicious cycle of boredom, resentment, and regret.

  4. Go to counseling. Even if this marriage ends, you will live the remaining years of your life feeling a lot better about this if you KNOW you did EVERYTHING you could to salvage it.

  Good luck and I wish you the best,

  Signed, a very happily married 41 year-old who partied her butt off at 25.

  —elliotc Read elliotc's other letters
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