First off, I've told ex boyfriends never to call again and, trust me, I called them--with my tail between my legs, perhaps. Six years is a long time. One of my exes is a very dear friend now. Honestly, we met at the wrong time but now that ship has sailed so he's remarkably like a brother. It took us several years to get to this point.

Life is short, very short. Another ex died (yes) before I could apologize for my share of having been a jerk. He was twenty-nine. His aorta burst while he was driving to work and he died instantly. He'd told me never to call again. I was going to wait til his 30th birthday but I had him on my mind and nearly called him the very morning he died. I deeply regretted not apologizing. Trust me. Granted this is an extreme case.

But that is not the main issue. Are you working some crazy hours here (med school) so you're not able to go meet people? When my ex died, I went into a holding pattern and it took me (understandably, I'd say) well over a year to really move on.

What are your criteria for friendship? Someone funny? Clever? Etc? Why, just at work today one of my colleagues--I've been there nearly a week--has shown promise of being one of the funniest people I've met in years. I hope we'll get to know each other and do coffee sometime; she's positively hilarious.

Put another way--are you wanting a friend to fill a void that is lacking in you? If you can find a way to vary your routine, do so. I'm lucky. I live in a city and have no car so I'm forced to be around people. I have to almost go out of my way to NOT meet people.

And yes, the wonderful, true friends I have saw me through that horrendous time. So I understand you want some wonderful friends. They'll come. Just examine your standards as you do with dating.

Best of luck.

I had a similar experience. My best high school friend and I went to college together, and were even roommates during our freshman year. However, we drifted apart--to the point that we were barely speaking by the end of the year. I rarely saw her on campus in the following years, and we graduated and moved on.

We recently had our 20-year class reunion, and she made contact through one of those Web sites that facilitates that kind of thing. I was delighted to hear from her.

I know that we had some bad times--and in her first email to me, she apologized for whatever had transpired, as did I. After that, though, we renewed our friendship. She even came to my wedding last year. She lives too far away to see on a regular basis, but we get together whenever we can and it's nice: we always had a lot in common and we still do.

Life goes on and people change. Maybe this person still feels bad about the way things transpired and is looking to repair the damage. My friend and I are much more mature now, and the reasons we stopped speaking all those years ago now seem silly. I'm glad that I gave her another chance--and in time, you might be glad for your "new" old friend as well.

You expectations for friendship are very high, setting you up for disappointment. Try to envision a friendship with some closeness sometimes, and at other times, some distance. (This will be good practice for other relationships in your life.)

I have had one particular friend for 40 years--sometimes we see each other a lot, then life changes and we don't see each other or talk so frequently. At first, I took this personally. But it was just life. I was busy with children; she was busy in grad school. She lived on the east coast, I lived on the west coast. Right now we live in the same town, but she'll move back east within a couple years. Right now we see a lot of each other and we enjoy every minute. But that could change, and we know not to let that get in the way. None of this has really mattered in the long run.

So give it a try, and be willing to be more flexible.

Dear LW:

I think that the reason you are wary of renewing your friendship isn't just because you feel that she'll hurt you again, but because you may have felt some guilt because you fared better than she did.

She may have lashed out at you because she felt ignored and alone in all the changes that you seemed to revel in. If you really did nothing to her, then maybe you need to forgive her (to yourself, no need to tell her!) and give it all a second chance.

What you fear about renewing the relationship doesn't exist. I'm sure she's moved on with her life, found happiness and emotional growth, just as you have. You turn away from her now is to assume that you have her figured out, and that your friendship can't be something new and different from what it was.

Make a date. Get to know the new her just as she'll be getting to know the new you. She made the effort to contact you after a big fight and years of silence. If you can't whole heartedly meet her halfway, then don't dwaddle around indecisively. Otherwise, have some fun with a new friend!

You are lonely for a friend, an old friend calls, lets you know that she regrets her actions at the age of 19, and you are still wanting to hold them against her.

Sounds like you want to HAVE a friend more than you want to BE a friend. Why are you still holding on to your hurt feelings? And why oh why would you turn away from the hand of friendship in the first place?

Not to get too woowoo on you, but really, if you say you want one thing (a friend) and your actions say another (only special, selected friends will do) then why would anybody be attracted to that? Who wants to feel that they have to make the cut just to go see a movie with you?

Think about it a bit, and then, maybe, you'll realize that the Universe DID hand you what you were looking for, and your first response is to toss it back.