I asked the universe for a ham sandwich once. I'm still waiting for the universe to deliver it.

Trust your gut, not the universe. People generally do not change

As a sophomore in college, I befriended what I call a "toxic friend".  We were both screwed up in similar ways, and indulged in our shared self-destructive habits together.  It ended at her 21st birthday party in tears and shouting and I swore I'd never speak to her again.  And I didn't.She sent me a Facebook message three years later, apologizing.  I could accept it because I knew that, now being across the country from each other, renewing a friendship was not a possibility.  But I appreciated it, apologized as well, and wish her the best.

My point being: People are different in college.  It's a time for growing up, for exploring relationships and who you are.  People are prone to being their worst, just because they have the chance.  But they can still grow.  Your friend might have changed.  I know I have, and it seems my ex-girlfriend did, too.

I'd love to have the chance to actually meet this hopefully new, improved ex-friend. Our situations don't allow it; yours does.

Call her. Hear her out. Try to let go of the hurt and see for yourself whether she's still toxic or not. It sounds like you two had a healthier friendship in the past. See what happens now.

Dear LW,

In my experience, it's good to listen to the universe.

It's possible this old friend isn't going to become *the* friend ever again, but you will learn something important by testing the waters and seeing if it can be a friendship that feels good to you.

It's one of the things I truly appreciate about growing older -- the beauty of old friendships, allowing for massive flame-outs in a friendship, and also accepting that our needs change, people *do* change, and 7 years later might be exactly the right time to pick up again with someone.

At the very least, she might lead you to your next person. You just never know how things will work. The universe is mysterious and wise. If it were me, I'd pay attention. When you put a call out there, it's powerful to see who picks up the signal.

I hope that none of my friends hold things I said/did in junior year of college against me... I'm an entirely different person now (thankfully a less bitter, less angry, more tolerant one). Maybe your friend is different too. Six years is a long time, and college can be rough on the best of us. You don't have to start being BFF right now, but I wouldn't let something that happened six years ago rule out simply meeting someone for coffee.

So the first lesson we must learn, if we're to maintain any kind of lifelong friendship or marriage, is this:

People are human.

Humans do things, sometimes, which are hurtful. They say things that displease us, with some regularity! And they seem to think they are right!! Even when they're not!!

Your friend was angry at you six years ago because she was jealous and hurt and all kinds of things. This is a rather normal human response. People who are 20-ish these days are young (and frequently immature). Presumably your friend, with 6 additional years of life experience, has come to understand that you did not abandon her when you made other friends. Presumably she has matured. Hopefully you can , too, and learn to find a little bit of forgiveness. Just let go of it. Why are you holding a grudge six years later?

Nevermind what the universe did or did not send you -- if she cares enough to come back, and you want a friend, well by golly, see what happens.

Is there any possibility that the friend was correct about the LW? That, at least as junior in college, the LW was selfish? Perhaps that's why she has trouble making friends. Cary always seems to think that, because they wrote him, his correspondents must be honorable, clean and brave. The LW has nothing to lose, and perhaps might learn something about herself.

Well, you can do nothing and you'll be in the same place, friendless. You can do something and you may get that friend you wanted for a lifetime or you may find out that you both have moved past that time. Is it really that freaking hard or were you just really bored and wanted to write to Cary about something?

Just call her up for goodness sake. Pick up the phone. And call. What have you got to lose? Think of her as a stranger who's friends with someone you used to know. Six years is a long time, who knows what she's like now? If you get together and she's turned into a bitter and nasty person, well, take your lumps and move on. She made the first move, I have to assume that she knows how hurtful she was and regrets it. Just don't try to process what happened six years ago the first time you get together. It's just too heavy, you don't have enough trust in this new person yet to go raking open wounds together. If you become friends again, well, there are plenty of wine bottles in your shared future over which to have that discussion.

Get over it and call her already! It could be great, and it probably won't be as awful as you fear. I want to offer one caveat, however. Don't bring up the "I don't ever want to see you again" incident. It may take a huge effort on your part, but if that's going to be discussed, let it happen naturally, hopefully not in your first few conversations. Let her bring it up. I'm sure it's one of her personal cringe-worthy moments, and that she wishes it never happened; otherwise, why would she have called you. Still, it would be very unkind and, dare I say it, self-absorbed, to hit her over the head with it immediately and demand an explanation and apology. Instead, show an interest in her life now, ask lots of questions, make lots of positive comments, and allow her to do the same for you. If the friendship continues to develop, the incident may come up in conversation; but in the end, you may not want it to. It would show generosity of spirit to just pretend it never happened, give her a clean slate, and go on. Isn't that what you would want from a close friend--the kind of friend you are looking for? Well, to get that kind of friend (who is very rare), you have to be that kind of friend. I hope this works out for both of you.