Perhaps the LW's issue is not that he is forgetting things and need to remember them, but that he need someone else in his life.

Frankly, I don't know anyone who prefers mundane tasks to more complex thought. Even a lot of the dumber people I know prefer to have their heads in the clouds. Point is: LW is not all that unusual a person.

Consider: the LW is a software developer at a national laboratory (which for those who don't know is no joke); he is in a band part time, and he plays guitar in his spare time. That's it. There's no more time for anything else.

So why "Get Married"? Because at the end of the day, two live more easily than one: one shopping, one laundry, one less thing to worry about. If the LW wants to improve his memory and focus, he should consider finding a partner (perhaps someone similarly driven) with whom he can share responsibilities, and with whom he can discuss what's going on: the presentation, the jazz concert, the long term goals.

And while surely it is true that a partnership can ADD to the time commitments in a person's life, it is also true that those time commitments are more practical, and less esoteric, which seemed to me - the esoteric and the impractical - the kinds of things from which the LW was seeking some relief in writing to Cary.

You're describing me, and a lot of other people I know. Meds have helped me somewhat, and I've been reading books specifically for techniques to manage the challenges of ADD/chronic disorganization.

I've been told that there are new cognitive behavioral techniques that also address the challenges of ADD/spaciness, that can work instead of or in conjunction with the drugs. One friend of mine is noticing great results. I've had some other medical issues that have been more pressing, so I haven't had a chance to pursue the cognitive behavior options, but it is high on my priority list.

And yes, an electronic Personal Digital Assistant can be life-transforming, as long as you pay attention to it, and as long as you keep it synchronized to your computer frequently.

From one dreamer to another - good luck. Know that you're alone, if that helps. And if you have benefits, check out whether you can be tested for ADD, and treated if you do have it. There are lots of options for coping, including medicine-free options.

Gah - I meant "know that you're NOT alone."

As has already been pointed out, you might have ADD.

Without trying to turn every little life-adventure into a disorder, and clincize everything... it IS possible you have adult ADD. I guess you should think about if, as a child, you had some similar attention disorder behaviours (maybe you were quite smart/gifted, but had trouble remembering what you did with your homework? That sort of thing).

As someone who was diagnosed as a child with ADD, I can tell you it doesn't just magically disapear as an adult. I can also tell you that there isn't any reason to take drugs (although if it's something you're comfortable with and a doctor recommends it, you might give them a try).

You can come up with coping strategies, just remember that some things might be harder for you, and don't beat yourself up every time you misplace your wallet (I once put the cordless phone in the freezer... didn't realise where it was until it was ringing and I couldn't find it).

Anyhow, I know theres a tendency in our culture to slap the word "disorder" on something and try to fix it, which isn't what I'm suggesting. Just think that you maybe should see a psychologist who specialises in helping adults with ADD to see what he/she has to say about it. They might be able to help you put some direction to things and deal with the aspects of your life that are frustrating you.

Who misplace their keys and wallets more often, men or women? Women. Why? Because they carry these things in purses, which are not attached to the body.

Cary, I can't believe you advised this guy to get a purse.

Systems and habits are nice, but there's nothing like having the things you value attached to you, via pockets, clips, velcro, whatever. By the way, glasses belong on the face. Or around the neck on a string.

Daydreaming is my favorite thing to do so I feel your pain, especially on the logical organized side of life. I can't have nice things because I will lose them. Like the prescription sunglasses and the bluetooth headset. Doh!

While we are "solving the world's problems" we can't even find our keys. A touch of ADD perhaps, and definitely maddening. The movie scene that cracks me up even years later is in the French film Amelie, when Audrey Tatou breaks into the grocer's flat and changes the speed dial, the shoes, the doorknobs and hides his stuff. Has she been in my flat too?

I know a lot of people would agree about this disconnect. Life is moving at the speed of light and most people are stretched for time and sleep. It's no wonder people don't lose touch and lose stuff more often. I could have written part of your letter so I am just chiming in so that you know this is common.

Cary,

This is uncharacteristic of you. You missed something crucial that this musically inclined engineer was trying to say.

Analyzing the systems of his life, the systems of where his glasses go (and thanks for the gratuitous stereotyping, there) is boring for him. It's boring. It's in the category with fixing bugs and being really, really careful; the category of things he doesn't enjoy. (And really, don't you think he's heard of lifehacker, and would spend his time there instead of writing to you if that was what he wanted?)

This man is driven by enjoyment: mostly of music and abstract things, also of food and friends. The boredom, the carelessness about wallets and such comes from the complete lack of enjoyment associated with those mental processes. You could say his mind is already optimizing the systems of his life to maximize his pleasure.

So my suggestion is this: that he find a way to enjoy putting his wallet in a certain place. To enjoy opening a scientific journal. And so on.

Perhaps every evening when he gets home, he can take a moment to enjoy putting his wallet in the special place. He should enjoy it by breathing in and out, and making up some wonderful riff to go along with the action. He can think or hum some wonderful "Dudda-da dee da deeda," while setting the wallet in its place. Ah.

Maybe he can take a breath and think of creme brulee every time he opens a scientific journal. A creative man like this, I'm sure he can think of plenty of ways to reward himself throughout the day for his acts of mindful attention.

His challenge is not to get analytical; it's to cooperate with his psyche's pursuit of enjoyment. By the simple act of breathing in and out, by staying in the present while walking, enjoying the sensation of each footstep, each brief moment of contact between his foot and the earth, he can break through the layer of insulation that's preventing him from having an enjoyable connection with the world around him.

Sincerely,

V.