is what Friend seems to be. Substance abuse does come to mind (been there, hope I wasn't that bad), but it might just be screaming insecurity and a different definition of "friend."

The part that's most troubling to me is that Friend bankrolls so much. Yes, it's generous, but it's also off-putting. There's an unwillingness to adapt to other's circumstances that feels really selfish and controlling here. Is she helping out friends in need or casting a movie?

From the perspective of 50+, friends come and go over time. It's hard to give up an OLD friend, because you can't get any more of them -- you can always make new friends, but old friends, folks who knew you when, well, there's no substitute. Sometimes, though, even old friends aren't good to be around any more.

I like Cary's advice very much. Especially the part that says "Just look clearly at this person." One doesn't need to judge, or react, or buy her movie. One just needs to look.

And then actions will be much easier to take (which doesn't equate to non-painful).

Good luck.

I also agree with an earlier poster who wrote that the 30s are a great time for career advancement but a lousy time for a social/ personal life.

My career has gone really well throughout the decade of my 30s, but the workplace has become a much lonelier place, as so many of my female friends have dropped out to have children. I no longer have women (my age, at least) with whom I can commiserate about the frustrations of office life. That is something that men don't have to deal with, as the grand majority of men stay in the workplace even after having kids.

I, like Arya Stark and other LWs, have been in a similar situation, and, 4 years after my friend breakup, still think about her and find the situation very sad. We were best friends in high school--you know, the inseparable kind. She was the first person whom I felt really understood by. I loved her. We remained close for a few years in college, even though we were in separate states.

I'm not entirely sure when things started to change, but the final straw was when I asked her to be my maid of honor, and she really didn't care less about being there for me. I get that being in a wedding is a pain in the ass for the most part, but I also believe that being asked is an honor--if a woman asks people for the right reasons, it's one woman telling another that she's really important to her and wants her to stand beside her on a very important day. And I think that you should do your best to make that person feel special and loved.

I tried to talk to her about it, but she denied her reluctance to be in the party, even though my other girlfriends (who went above and beyond) told me after wards that she didn't do much at all to help with anything.

Part of me wishes I were able to just get over her selfishness (my wedding was one of many examples of this) and be friends with her to some extent. But doing that feels to me as difficult as being friends with an ex-boyfriend who broke my heart. How can you go from being so special to one another to just being someone you see occasionally but don't really take the time to care about? For me, I couldn't. I still mourn the loss, though.

I did what Cary said and she sent me the nastiest email back. Everything I had told her in confidence was flayed open with a side of 'i hate you'. Mostly, she was snubbing me because I was 'constantly insulting her' for years and she could 'never trust or like me'.

Good luck....this sucks.

Mary sounds fun.

LW sounds jealous. She seems jealous that Mary has this fabulous lifestyle (money, friends, career) that she doesn't share. Mary's life-style threatens her perception of her self. She needs to work on her own issues and quit bitching about what someone else is doing. She can't control Mary and how Mary lives Mary's life is none of her business.

She also seems jealous that Mary wants to spend so much time with other people. Mary's friends threaten Mary's relationship with her. Mary clearly cares about LW though, and has been very supportive. I don't really know how someone gets over this kind of jealousy, but I do know that trying to control the other person and constantly complaining about the other person's friends is deeply unattractive.

In a romantic relationship, I'd call the jealous person a hopeless loser and tell the object of the jealousy to dump him/her.

If I were Mary, I would not want to continue to spend time with LW. If LW can't be a positive presence in Mary's life, LW needs to find friends who can share more time and interests with LW.

It's a loss. Time for both of them to grieve it and move on.

Okay, so yes it's rude that if you make the plans, that she should ask you before inviting others. That was her one faux paus. So you made dinner plans, she said yep I'm coming and so are 5 other people. So then you keep bugging her to what, repeat herself, I'm coming and so are 5 people? So because she didn't return all of your calls you change the entire plan and do something else.

Of course she got angry, you played a very passive aggressive game, she didn't return all of your calls, you knew she was coming, but wanted to play the well you didn't call to confirm your confirmation so I changed plans. hmm perhaps that big salary career means she doesn't return all calls? Maybe you were being controlling and bitchy?

So she makes a personal point of asking you to an event, then she confirms with an evite where you see that she's invited a whole bunch of other people. So what, it's her event she can invite as many people as she wants. Did she cancel a prearranged ride, or did you just assume you'd get a ride? Seems to me you are one of those girlfriends who doesn't like to share "your" friend

So what do you do because now you have to share your friend with others, cancel. Wow, way to show her how important she and her plans are.

So now maybe she figures you don't think she's that important so she's begun to flake, make you wait and other things that women do when they feel that they've been slighted in a big way. This woman seems very generous and maybe before you were the main benefactor and don't know how to navigate this relationship when she's being generous with so many others and maybe she feels like after all she's done for you that you are being ungracious in her eyes?

I think you don't want to try to have a personal conversation about your friendship because you don't want to hear all the shitty things you've done to her in return to shitty things she's done.

Plus, I don't see anything wrong with her "life" but somehow your reason for not wanting to talk to her is that she'll never admit she doesn't have the perfect life? Huh, it may not be perfect but it seems a perfectly acceptable way to live. That you think there is a problem with the way she lives now is probably the main problem. She has lots of friends, she has a high paying career, she's always got a full social calendar, I don't see how any of that is wrong or damaging and I think the claims of substance abuse are off, this is what most single women in a big city do, have big group outings that always involve wine or drinks. This LW makes no mention seeing her friend get wasted over and over again or unable to do hikes or yoga because of hangovers. Instead I sense an undercurrent of jealousy, on both of your parts.

So LW, my advice to you, actually talk to your good friend of over a decade. You don't necessarily need to do it in person, you can do it on the phone. But talk to her about how you really like her in your life and you like the groups once in a while, you wonder why she can't do anything without a group of gal pals and let her explain. If her explanation is not what you want to hear, or forces you to accept that the two of you need to part for now, that's what you'll need to do. I certainly wouldn't want to get rid of her as a social network hub is always good to keep around.